A Viking shirt: The desire of my heart

"May he give you the desire of your heart, and make your plans succeed."  Psalm 20:4

"Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."  Psalm 37:4

If you know me very well you know how much I love kids.  You also know that one of my heart's desire is to be a mother someday.  I am doing the bible study, Living Free by Beth Moore.  She writes "A stronghold is any argument or pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God."  She also writes, "A stronghold is anything that exalts itself in our mind, pretending to be bigger or more powerful then our God."  The biggest stronghold I have in my life is believing that I will never be married and have kids.  I think I struggle with this stronghold because of past relationships with guys.  Most of my guy relationships are getting teased by them.  In my teens and early twenties I had very low self-esteem.  I believe this low self-esteem came from hearing the mean remarks these boys told me.  I also had some people in my life that were suppose to love me as family, who would tease me because of my cerebral palsy.  After hearing this most of my young life, I started to believe it. 


This set me up to believe I wasn't good enough.  Especially believing I wasn't good enough to be accepted by men.  This is were my stronghold of never being able to be married comes from.  To me, I believed no man wants to marry a girl with CP.   I thought CP was horrible disease.  This is another lie I told myself. 

Now that I am in my mid 30's, I am learning to believe God's truth.  Beth writes, " We become like the object of our focus."  In Philippians 3:14, Paul writes, "One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead." 

Sometimes I wonder what is ahead.  I'm not sure what God plan is for me and my desires, but I have to tell you a story about a promise.   Last week I went to Goodwill, I was looking at Halloween costumes and found a Minnesota Vikings shirt for a kid.  I thought I'll buy that for Reggie, but then God reminded me of a story.  A year ago, my friend's daughter, had her first birthday.  Tovah, was wearing the cutest dress.  It was white with lemons printed on it.  I told Kari, her mom, how much I loved that dress.  Kari told me that before she was married, she found that dress.  She was going to buy it for a baby shower, but fell in love with it.  Her mom suggested that Kari keep the dress for her children.  Kari thought this was a little crazy, since she wasn't even married.  But her mom insisted and kept it for Kari. 

In the book of Genesis, God promises Abram and Sarah a child.  The Lord appeared to Abraham and told him that Sarah would have child.  Abraham and Sarah were very old, so when Sarah heard this she laughed.  Genesis 18:19 says "Then I (the Lord) will do for Abraham all that I have promised."

The word promise stood out to me because just before I read  this I was reading the "Made to Crave" devotional about Compromise vs. Promise.  Lysa writes "We were made for more than compromise.  We were made for God's promise in every area our lives.  We were made for God's promise that leads to an abundant life."  We are not to compromise God's best. 

I am starting to believe God's best for me.  After I bought the Viking shirt, I felt the Lord remind me of Kari's story.  He was telling me to keep the shirt for my son.  I want to start believing God for a husband and kids.  I want to start forgetting the past and the old tapes set in my mind.  Beth writes that our minds are a battlefield.  I want to start believing God that He will give me the desires of my heart. I don't know if a husband and kids are part of His plan, but He is faithful!

"He is the faithful God who keeps his covenant for a thousand generation and lavishes his unfailing love on those who love him and obey his commands."  Deut 7:9 

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These Sticks where Made for Walking

I am reading a book called Made to Crave, by Lysa Terkeusrt.  I must admit I was really excited to read it after a few friends of mine told me about it.  What is the book about you ask, well I'll let the sub-title tell you, "Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God, not Food."  

I have to be honest, I haven't been reading it with my full undivided attrition when reading it.  I  get very easily distracted by TV, facebook, puzzles, and yes even food!  I have a history with food.  When my doctor told me I needed to lose weight and go on a diet, I cried.  I told him I love food, I love sweets!!  I think sweets are my go-to, when I am feeling lonely and depressed.   When I  felt like nobody wanted to hang out with me, sweets were my best friend!!  They were always there and available. 

Lysa writes, "I relied on food more than I relied on God. "  I can totally relate, I became a firm believer in Jesus around 2003.  During that time Jesus showed me that my cerebral pasly was a gift from Him.  I think for so many of my younger years I struggled with my CP, that I blanketed my struggle with food. I didn't see food as a big deal.  I also believed that I didn't think a lot of about calories and food intake, because I was burning so many calories in the pool.  In high school and my younger 20s I didn't need to think about food and exercise, because I was in the pool almost every day.

As I read Made to Crave," chapter 9 caught my undivided attention.  Just the title alone, caught my eye and made me turn off the TV, and go outside to read!!  Chapter 9:  But Exercise Makes Me Want to Cry."  Yes!  Yes!  Yes!!  I had to laugh at this title, this is how I feel about physical therapy!!  Growing up I had to do a lot of physical therapy, and still do.  I didn't always like it, because it made me feel different.  In middle school and in high school I had to do physical therapy instead of going to gym class.  My PT would come to school once a week to do PT with me, of course as a teenager this made me feel different and I didn't always want to do it.  I didn't really care about how I was walking, and I was in pretty good shape because of swim club.  Physical Therapy made me want to cry!!  Not because it was hard, (even though it was at times,) nor because it hurt, but because it made me feel different from my peers.

At the high school we did therapy in the carreer room, we would lock the door so people couldn't come in.  Ward, one of my PT, wanted me to use a cane.  He says it was because I was falling a lot.  He probably was right, but again it made me feel different and "Made me want to cry!!" I didn't use it as much as I should of.  

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God."  (1 Corthin 6:19)

As I am becoming older I am learning that I have to take care of my body.  Lysa writes, "But the Lord's strong caution is to 'give careful thought to your ways' and to make time to 'build the house' so that He may be honored."  I am learning that working out and doing PT is important to my health.  I have to consider my ways and take time to build my muscles so they will stay stronger as I age.  My PT told me that as I age I may have more joint and muscles issues then most people my age.  I also need to consider using my walking sticks.  My doctor and PT also told me that I should consider using my walking sticks more.  They don't want me to have the risk of falling.  I need to realize that my body is getting older and now there is a higher risk of falling.  In the past 3 years, I have injured myself more then I have in the past 30 years.  Lysa writes, "There are natural consequences for not taking care of our bodies."   I want to prevent those falls and  consequences as long as possible!  Three weeks ago I fell down some steps and bruised my ribs.  I'm still felling the consequences of that fall.

Again I have laugh, because chapter 10 of Made to Crave is, "It's Not Fair."  My poor parents heard this so many times when it came to me complaining about my CP.  My dad always use to say, "Brianne, life isn't fair!"   Isn't that the truth!   Lysa writes, "Saying 'it's not fair' has caused many girls to toss aside what she knows is right for the temporary thrill of whatever is that does seem fair."  Even know I want to say "It is not fair that I have to using walking sticks at 34 years old, or that I have to deal with muscle and joint pain at 34," I know that if I use them now it will beneficial as I age.  I am trying to use them more.  It may not be fair in the moment, but I have realize how much farther I can go and how less tired I become when I put down my pride and use them.  I also am learning that when I do use them, I walk so much straighter, which is the long run will prevent my body from breaking down faster! So I guess I need to "take caution to my ways, and build my house (muscles)."   I should consider the advice my doctor and PT give me because this is the only body I will have.  I need to continue exercises, do my PT, and take care of myself as long as I can.  I'm not sure what my body may do or not do, but I want to take care of what God has givin me even if it means using walking sticks at 34!

I

I love sweets!  That made me cry to Dr. Paulson!  But he was so understanding!  Now I just need to get back in my routine!

The Other Sister

I want to take a couple minutes and thanks my parents and family of how they raised me with a person with a disability.  I have met a new friend on Facebook.  Even though we have never met face to face, we have a lot in common!  The 2 main things we have in common is that we both have CP.  The second thing we have in common is that she now lives in the Black Hills, and as most of you know I grew up in the Black Hills.  We met on a cerebral palsy Facebook page.  I saw that she lived in Spearfish SD, and we had a instant connection!

Yesterday we were chatting on Facebook about our past.  We have similar stories.  Growing up feeling different, getting bullied, going to the Shriners and lots of therapies.  But the coolest story we have is the support of our family.

Yesterday, as we were chatting, I was thinking of this blog.  I been wanting to write a blog for my family, and especially, my best friend, my mom!  Both of our families raised us, just as the rest of our siblings.  I so thankful for how I was raised.  My mom never treated me differently then my sisters or brother.  I laugh now, because, there were times I was a pain in the rear, wanting to do whatever my sisters did.  Brooke was on the swim team, so of course I wanted to be on the swim team.  I laugh, because mom would say "Brianne, you are TERRIFIED of water!!"  "But if you want to be on the swim team go for it!"  So of course I did!!!  We all had chores.  Of course I  could do the physically harder jobs, but I had other chores that I could do independently!   There were times I hated doing them, but it made me the person I am today.


In high school, we all had jobs.  We didn't have a lot of money, so if we wanted something we worked for it.  All of my sisters were waitresses, because of my CP I could not waitresses.  I found my jobs in mostly babysitting and daycare centers.  Yes, I couldn't and still can not do physically jobs or work long hours, but that did not stop me from making my own money.  It also made into a hard worker and appreciate work.

I remember in high school I had a hard time.   The hardest thing in high school was not being able to drive and getting teased!   I didn't always feel wanted by my peers and thought there was something wrong with me.  But my family always was there for me.  As I looked back, I wish I listen to them more, and not care what other thought of me.  The only people who mattered, were those who loved me!  My family!!  I gave my family a lot of grief back them.  I had a lot of anger and rage with my CP and feeling different.  But they loved me through it all.  I am so grateful for them.  I am the person I am today, because of them!!

Not being able to drive in high school so hard for me.  I wanted to drive so bad like my peers, but partially because of my CP and partially b/c of fear I didn't drive in high school.  My mom always had a manual car.  I would beg her to drive.  Of course, with like many things I had to figure out myself that I can't drive a stick shirt!  I kept begging and begging, finally one day my stepdad was like "Fine, you want to drive let's go!"  Of course, I was like "YES, FINALLY!!"  I quickly learned they were right, I can't drive a stick shift!!

My senior year I took Driver Ed with Mr. Calabro.   I was the oldest in the class, which kind of bugged me, but at least I was driving!!   I remember him telling me that he thought I could drive a "normal' car!  So when I was 21 I started driving. 

I am so grateful my family never held me back, of course in less it was in my best interest!!  They helped shape me into the person I am today.  People tell me "You are so amazing and inspiring!"  I thank them, but give a lot of the credit to my family!!  They have loved me through many hard days and pushed me when I needed it!

"But I focus on one thing and looking forward to what lies ahead.  I press on to the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize from which God through Christ Jesus, is calling us." 
Philippians 3:13-14

There was a time in my life I wanted to be "normal".  Drive at sixteen.  Be a great sport player.  Go hang out with my own friends.  Not get held back in 2nd grade, but those things wouldn't made me the person I am today.  I am the person I am today because of how God made me, and because of the love of my family.

One time I told my mom "thank you for not babying me."  she said "Brianne, I had six kids I didn't have time to baby you!"   I am so grateful for that!

"For you are a holy people, who belong to the Lord your God.  Of all the people on the earth, the Lord chosen you to be his own special treasure."  Deuteronomy 7:6


I am truly thankful for thankful for each one of you in my life.  Mom and dad thank you for always pushing me when I need to be and loving me through many hard days!

 

Believing without seeing

 

Now that we are in the middle of summer I have realized that I haven't posted in about a month.  Summer is crazy here at Washington Family Ranch, and this year is no different.  About the third week of camp, Young Lives (Young Life ministry to teen moms)  had to be cancelled because of the flu in camp.  We were all pretty bummed, until we had a fire break out that week.  We soon realized how much God was in control!  The fire spread pretty quickly and came very close to some homes of the staff.  It burned down the RV park, luckily there were not RV in the park at the time.  It was neat to see God's hand in it all.  The only structures that burned down were 4 tree-forts the staff  kids built.  Not that they weren't sad to see them go, but no homes were touched! 


These 3 chairs were left after one of our staff had to pull his trailer out the day of the fire. 

 

  The first year I came out here, some volunteers built a great fire pit in the RV park. The chair and bridge did not make it through the fire

 



The fire got dangerously close to homes...

"When you walk through fire of oppression you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you."  Isaiah 43:2



Too close to comfort.  the staff kids tree forts are gone, but we are thankful our homes were saved.


 

Being out here for 8 years, I still have moments of doubting God.  I love the story of Thomas in the Bible.  In the book of John, John writes, "One of the twelve disciples, Thomas, was not with the others when Jesus came.  They told him, "We have seen the Lord."  But he replied, "I won't believe it unless I see the nail wounds, put my fingers into them, and place my hands into the wound of his side."  John 20:24

 

I feel like Thomas at times.  Sometimes I doubt God's goodness, because I don't see with my own eyes. I also doubt God because I don't see an answer to pray the way I think it should be answered.   During the fire, I had my doubts that I would see God.  The week that the Young Lives was cancelled, I thought "Why would God make it so these young girls couldn't experience camp."  They worked so hard to save up money to come, some  bought plane tickets to travel down here.  In my human perspective, I was thinking it wasn't fair.  We soon realized that God ways are bigger then our ways.  That week the fire broke out, and camp was empty so we could focus on the fire, and not have to worry about people in camp.

 

Me on the Adventure course!!  God surely has me on an
adventure I did not think I ever on!  Living a life at YL camp!!

John continues to write "Eight days later the disciples were together again, and this time Thomas was them.  The doors were locked; but suddenly, as before, Jesus was standing among them.  'Peace be with you," he said.  The he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here and look at my hands.  Put your hand into my wounds in my side.  Don't be faithless any longer.  Believe!""  John 20:26-27

I think my biggest struggle is believing that I will never be married.  One of my deepest desire is to be a wife and a mother.  To have my own family.  I tend to believe that it won't happen because I have CP,  (which I know is crazy!!) , but it something I have struggled with for many years. 

As I was reading my devotional the other day, Luci Swindoll, wrote, "One of the sweetest pleasures of singleness is coming and going as I please."  She quotes 1 Corinthians 2:9, "No eye has seen, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him."

Enjoying Kayaking at Lake Tahoe with one of my favorite people!!
I am blessed!!

I have no idea what God has plan for me.  But in the meantime I want to enjoy the life He has given me.  I can come and go as I want.  I can go on vacation anywhere I want.  Do what I want, and be who I want to be.  Jesus told Thomas, "You believed because you have seen me.  Blessed are those who believe without seeing." 

 

We haven't physically seen Jesus, but if we are willing to believe, who knows what God as prepared for us.  Today, I was encouraged to ask "Lord, reviel to me what you have for me today."  My prayer is I can ask this question everyday!

 

God Bless!

Bri

Thankfulness

"Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

In the past couple weeks, God has been putting on my heart to be more thankful in my life.  I bought a Joyce Meyer's devotional book on being thankful.  I have a tendency to complain about things I don't have, or things I think I want.  For me the top things I find myself complaining about is not being married and not having a lot of money.  I may not complain out loud, but I sure do complain in my heart and to Jesus. 

"I have come to give you life, and give it to the full"
Thankful for Jesus and what He has dome and doing in my life!

I am also reading "One Thousands gifts" by Ann Voskamp.  "A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are."  In the book, Ann, main theme is to find thankfulness throughout your day.  She writes " If I'm ruthlessly honest, I may have yes to God, yes to Christianity, but I have live the no."

 I can really relate to this.  Jesus says in John 10:10 "I have come that they may have life and it to the full."  Sometimes I believe the lie that I will never get married.  I see friends getting married and building families, and I complain to God that it will never happen to me.  I think this way because of my CP.  Ann writes, "There's a reason I am not writing the story and God is.  He knows how it all works out, where it all leads, what it all means."   I want to believe that even if I never get married and have kids, God's story is better and fuller then I could write.

Tonight, as I was reading the book, Ann wrote about how Jacob wrestled with God in Genesis.  Jacob told God "I will not let you go unless you bless me."  I love the story of Jacob because God touched his hip, and he left limping.  God tells Jacob, "You have wrestled with God, and you've come through."  This spoke to my heart tonight.  I have wrestled in my heart with God.  I have wrestled with having cerebral palsy.   I have wondered why I got it, and "nobody" else did.  Nobody in my little world.   Why do I have to struggle physically everyday to do normal things.   Sometimes I think that if I didn't have CP, I would be married.  Of course, that is a lie, because God is writing my story and I am not. 

Thankful for my family, who have always believed in me,
Even when I did not!

Ann quotes Preacher James H. McConkey, "The Lord has to break us down at the strongest part of our self-life before He can have His own way of blessing us."   Ann adds, "Then we see the blessings."  This speaks to me, before I accepted the Lord, I hated my CP.  The Lord had to break my stronghold on my view of my cp.  I feel like the Lord gave me CP.  He has blessed me in many ways because of my CP.  I believe that nothing happens without going through the Lord first.  He has a plan for me and my CP.

I sometimes complain to God about not having a lot of money.  There are days when I wish I could have done better in college and gotten a teaching degree or a medical degree.  With my CP, it is hard to work full time, but God has really blessed me in my finances.  Washington Family Ranch is about an hour and 15 minutes from the nearest town.  So living here, I am blessed to be able to save in a way that otherwise would be harder living in a town.
 Also with CP, I have more medical bills then probably a normal 34 year old.  I have see the hand of God bless me in this area of my life.  I am grateful for how the Lord has worked in this way.  He has brought some great doctors and physical therapists to help me lose weight and become more active. 
  He has also blessed me in working with disabled adults.  I want to be a special ed. teacher and work with kids.  I am like a teacher, teaching life skills everyday in my job.  I am thankful that I have a job that supported me from going to full time to part time.  I am thankful that my job is less physical and I am more capable to keep up with my job duties. 

There are people in my life I would not have met otherwise!
This is a very special family to me!  Without CP I would have not
met Ward or his family!

I am so grateful God has called me out to Oregon.  He is still writing my story.   Ann writes to expect to see God.  God has made my life so much richer here in Oregon in ways more valuable then money.  As I start my ninth summer at a Young Life camp, I get to see kids have their lives change.  I am so thankful for God changing mine.  In this season of my life, I am also trying to be thankful for my singleness.  During my quiet time at the river, it was as if God was saying, "Bri, I gave you CP because I knew you could overcome it, and you were strong!"  I am thankful for the people God has put in my life because of my CP. My life has also become more richer with friends, here in Oregon! 



I am thankful for my CP.  Even though it can be
hard at times, it has made me who I am today, and brought
me to Jesus!  Thankful for the Shriners, The Center,
and all the medical professions that have help me along they way!
Even though I gave many of them a lot of grief about my exercises!

 

 

 

Young Life! more then just a camp for kids

I'm Not Who I Was

 

Out of my shell, into a new life.
Jesus said "I am they way, the truth, and the life!
Thank you Jesus for this amazing life!!

 

By Brandon Heath

I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was

I used to be mad at you
A little on the hurt side too
But I'm not who I was

 

I want to tell you about the amazing ministry that I get to be apart of.  Young Life mission is to introduce adolescents to Jesus Christ and helping them grow in their faith.  They do this by going where kids are and building relationships with them.  In there vision, leaders earn the right to be heard by their kids.  High school and middle school kids come to camp, five to seven days during the summer.   They come to camp to have "the best week of there lives."  They come to camp and  experience lots of fun, great food, and to get away from the pressure of every day life.  They get to hear the message of the gospel in a way that they can understand.

 

The first time I heard of Young Life was in college.  One of my best friends, Kate, was from Colorado.  Kate saw a broken girl, struggling to ride her bike back from Walmart.  She pulled over and asked me if I wanted a ride home.  We managed to stuff my bike into her car and head to the dorms.   That was the beginning of something I didn't know existed.

 

 

 

What has Young Life done for me?  Even though Young Life is for kids, when you live at a Young Life camp, it becomes apart of you.  God has changed me out here at Washington Family Ranch.  It has taught me that Jesus wants the best for me!

 

I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was

I used to be mad at you
A little on the hurt side too
But I'm not who I was

 

I love these words to this song.  There are a couple people in my past that I want to say "I'm not who I was"  When I was about 8 years old is when I started to feel like there was something wrong with me.  These people were suppose to give me unconditional love, instead they would get mad at me for things I could not control because of my disability.  They would also tease me for my walking and talking.  During this time I started to believe I was stupid, ugly, and unimportant.  During this time, I didn't know what to do with my anger so I had a lot of rage and anger towards the people that really loved me, my family.   I was so mad at everyone, even though not every one deserved it.  I think I was even mad at myself for being disabled, and for having anger issues.

This is about the time I thought something was wrong with me.
I'm not who I was!

 

 

I found my way around
To forgiving you some time ago
But I never got to tell you so

I found us in a photograph
I saw me and I had to laugh
You know, I'm not who I was

You were there, you were right above me
And I wonder if you ever loved me
Just for who I was

 

Forgiveness is a hard thing.  The other day I was at worship (or what Young Life calls Club).  I was laughing, singing, jumping, and not caring about what anyone thought of me.  I sat down and thought "wow, who is this girl."  I'm not who I was.   Young Life has taught me of the unconditional love of Jesus Christ.  When I first came here I was very good at condemning myself.  I thought I was ugly, stupid, and other horrible names.  I didn't value myself for who I was.  I came upon a verse Romans 8:1 " So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus."  Once this truth sunk into my heart, I started to believe that I am pretty awesome.  I am Beautiful.  I am funny, ( I been told anyways!)  And I am a Child of the One True King!!!!

 

Young Life camp aka my back yard!
Thank you Jesus!  I'm not who I was

 

 

Brandon Health goes on to write the end of the song.

 

You were there, you were right above me
And I wonder if you ever loved me
Just for who I was

 

 

When the pain came back again
Like a bitter friend it was all that I could do
To keep myself from blaming you

I reckon it's a funny thing
I figured out I can sing
Now I'm not who I was

 

I write about love and such
Maybe 'cause I want it so much
I'm not who I was

 

I was thinking maybe I
I should let you know that I am not the same
But I never did forget your name, hello

Well the thing I find most amazing
In amazing grace is the chance to give it out
Maybe that's what love is all about

 

I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was

 

 

Just some of my family that have been my rock!!  I love each one of you
more then you will ever know!!  Thank you for putting up with the old Bri!
 

 

Young Life has also taught me that "I'm not who I was."  I should let those who hurt me know, I'm not who I was.  I am very thankful for my mom, dad, sisters, brothers and other family members.  I had done a lot of hurtful things to them.  I took my anger out a lot on them.  But I'm not who I was.    They stood right beside me and loved through my anger and hurtfulness.  

 Young Life has also brought me closer to the Lord, and that He loves me for just who I am! 

 

 

 

One step at a time... to a healthier life!

tonight as I was doing my work out I thought I could use this blog to be an encourager to my friends and readers in there journey to healthy  living and to help keep each of us accountable.  I have a problem saying no to sweets.  I love sweets.  Two years ago I went to a dietitian and she taught me a lot about food.  I have notice that since I quite going to her I have gotten lazy on my nutrition. 

So here it goes!  I have no idea what God will put on my heart to write.  I just felt like during my workout I could be a light to others that might struggle as I do with nutrition and exercising.

Having a physical disability I have learned the importance of exercising.  About three years ago, I was over weight, tired, and walking very poorly.  As many of you may know, my doctor told me it was time to lose the weight.  Ugg!  I didn't even know where to begin, but with support from my doctor, a dietitian, my friends and family, and the Lord, I lost 30 lbs. 

The hard part is to keep up my diet and exercise.  So I hope I can encourage at least one person to get active, either for the first time, or like me get back too it!

Here are top ten reasons to exercises:

1.  Prevention to Obesity.   For adults 35 and older, having a BMI greater than 30 is considered obese.  At my highest weight I was considered obese, but to me I had no idea.

This is in 2011 down in Texas, probably at my heaviest.
At the time I was blinded that I had a problem.  I just figured it
was part of working, getting older, and have cerebral palsy!
Praise the Lord, He knew better!!

2.  Exercise and heart Disease-  Even walking every day reduces the risk of heart disease.  Now if you are like me, you are thinking I am young what does heart disease have to do with me?  But as we all have heard heart disease is the #1 one killer of both men and women.  Our heart is what keeps us alive, we need to take care of it.  I have known a hand full of people, including my grandpa, that has died suddenly because their heart has failed!!
 So my encouragement to all of us is to get out and take a walk. 

I have fallen in love with walking.  Walking is very difficult for me to do, but I started out little, but before I knew it I was walking a 5k!!  I have reached my goal and have walked two 5ks!!!  What is your goal going to be!!!!!!!

I have a new goal to retrain my brain to pick up my feet as I walk.  With my CP I drag my right foot.  Last year I had a goal to walk a 5k.  If I can encourage you, make a goal for yourself.  You are more prone to exercise if you have a goal. 

3.  Lower Blood Pressure-  I will be honest, I don't know a lot about blood pressure.  All I know is when I go to the doctor my blood pressure is "Very good."  According to WebMD, blood pressure is the force of blood pushing against blood vassal walls.  High blood pressure makes the heart work harder to push the blood, which causes the arties to harden which causes heart disease.  Also according to WebMD the 3 top things that causes high blood pressure are: smoking, being overweight, and lack of physical exercise.  Just another great reason to get out and exercise!!

4.  Exercise and Cholesterol-  Exercise increases the level of good cholesterol.  I don't know a whole lot about cholesterol, but for if you eat cheerios it helps your cholesterol!  :) 
According to medicalnewstoday.com, cholesterol has four man functions: 

Contributes to the structure of cell walls

Makes up digestive bile acids in the intestine

Allows the body to produce vitamin D

Enables the body to make certain hormones.

I don't want to board us all with just facts:  just know this according to the American Heart Association, high cholesterol is one of the major controllable risk factors for coronary heart disease, heart attack and stroke.  So Eat your cheerios!!!

5.  Exercise and Diabetes-  Exercise helps lower blood sugars and lowers the risk of type 2 diabetes.  We all know what diabetes is, but here is some facts.  Being overweight _BMI 25) increases your chances of developing diabetes.   
There’s a genetic mutation involved in type 2 diabetes, although researchers haven’t been able to pinpoint the exact mutation. You must have a genetic mutation in order to develop type 2—not everyone can get it. If you have a family history, you are at higher risk.
Did you know that Diabetes is #1 cause of kidney failure in the world!  Exercise and diet can either reduce or delay the incidence of diabetes by over 50%! 

The good news is that type 2 diabetes can be reduced and prevented just by being active, another great reason to go for a walk today!

So there are the fist 5 reasons to get up and exercise!!!  I though I would wait to tell you the next 5!!  I don't not want to overwhelm us!!

1 Corinthians 6:19 says, "Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own."
If you believe in God or not, I think we all can say that you only get one body in your life, and it your responsibility to take care of.  For me, God has changed my heart to see my broken (cp) body as his masterpiece, and I can honor Him by taking care of it. 
Ephesians 2:10 "For we are God's masterpiece.  He created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." 

So as I end this blog, and start a new day, I encourage us all to go for a walk today!  if you have only 5 minutes or and hour, remember every step will count!!!  Get out and enjoy the beauty of God's creation!

Redeemed

Yesterday during work one of the girls I support and myself decided to go for a hike.  It was during this hike that I thought I should tell you all a little bit of where I live and how the Lord has redeemed the land. 

Washington Family Ranch is a Young Life camp, nestled in a deep canyon about 18 miles from the town of Antelope OR.  Young Life is a ministry for kids in middle and high school.  Kids come to camp every summer to hear the gospel of Jesus.

The Land when the Rajneesh occupied it.  I think the tents where
some of the homeless stayed.

But this land has not always been used for good.   The camp is about 64,000 acres.  In 1980, a guy named Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh used the land to build a small commune with about 7000 followers.  The Bhagwan had an advocated a more open attitude towards sexuality, a stance which earned him the sobriquet of "sex guru" in the Indian.   While here at the ranch he and his followers tried to take over the town of Antelope.  Within a year of being at the ranch, conflict between the local ranchers and the Rajneesh became apparent.  The Rajneesh wanted to use the land to build there own little town, when they originally told the county that they wanted to use it for agricultural. 
In 1982, the Rajneesh wanted to take over the town of Antelope and bought some lots in the city limits.  The town of Antelope, itself, voted to discorporate itself, to prevent itself being taken over.^[ By this time, there were enough Rajneeshee residents to defeat the measure. In May 1982, the residents of the Rancho Rajneesh commune voted to incorporate the separate city of Rajneeshpuram on the ranch.  A part from the control of Antelope and the land-use question, there were other disputes.^[ The commune leadership took an aggressive stance on many issues and initiated litigation against various groups and individuals.   (Wikipedia.)

The main goal was to take over the county of Wasco.  In 1984, a couple of the leaders went to Portland to try to kill a Oregon Politician.  The also went up to The Dallas in hope of poisoning 100 of people, so they could not vote in the upcoming election.   Eventually, the Bhagwan was arrested for immigration, trying to flee the United States. 


The Oregonian (The Portland newspaper) did an article of the ranch.  In 1995, the ranch was owned by a multi-millionaire, Dennis Washington.  He was looking for the ranch to be used as a to help "wayward" teens.  After some hesitation, from locals in Antelope, and some others involved, Young Life opened the camp in 1999.  This year over 7000 heard the gospel of Jesus Christ. 

A friend of mine took this picture of her son!  Great view of the Camp

I tell you this story because, yesterday we walked up a canyon where the Bhagwan built some A-frames.  I been told that these buildings is where they homeless people lived.  They would bus in homeless people from all over the country and make them work hard labor.  As we climb one of the hills full of A-frames, we decided to go look over a peak.  Just over the peak, we saw the camp.  The Dining hall.  This beautiful building!!!  Not built so workers who are stuck in the middle of nowhere, with no place to go, can go eat.  But a building that kids can come, gather around a table for a meal with there friends, and laugh with out a care in the world.

The big building is the Dining Hall.  This is so kids can come to
hear about the one and only true God, Jesus!!!

What one man used for evil, God has redeemed for good.  The Bhagwan thought he was god, and wanted his followers to worship him.  They even had a worship center (our sport center), where they worshipped him.  But the Lord is the one to be worshiped.  Jesus said, "You must worship the Lord your God, and serve him only."  Luke  4:8   He said this to the devil after he tempted Jesus in the wilderness. 



This is the pool at the middle school camp.
Kids come and hear the Good News of Jesus!



I write this blog because yesterday hike reminded me of how God has redeemed this camp.  The Holy Spirit is so evident here!  Thousand of kids have there lives changed because of the gospel of Jesus Christ in this place. 
Psalms 34: 18 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those who spirits are crushed."

For me, Jesus has used this place to change my life!!  I came a very broken, sad, young lady with a crushed spirit.  He has redeemed my soul.  I can know say that I am the happiest have I been in my life.  I love who God has created me to be.  And I am excited to see what He has for me in the future!

The Joy of the Lord is my Strength!!!
I am so thankful God called me out to
this ranch!
Stay tuned because next blog maybe about calling me out!!!
 

Amazing Grace

I Asked God

I asked God for strength, that I might achieve,
I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey.

I asked for health, that I might do greater things,
I was given infirmary, that I might do better things.

I asked for riches, that I might be happy, I was given poverty that I might be wise.
I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men,
I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God.

I asked for all things. that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for-
but everything I had hoped for.
 

 

Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.
I am, among all men, most richly blessed.

-Anonymous Civil War Soldier

After yesterday fall, God's grace has been on my heart.  I fell backwards down about 10 stairs.  As I was falling, the thought I am going to hit my head on the wood floor.  I have no idea how I walked away from the fall with out any injuries.  I believe the Lord Jesus was my Protector.  I should have been seriously hurt! 

Grace- Approval or favor.

"So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God.  There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most."  Hebrew 4:16

My bible defines grace as the favor of God.  I love this poem.  There has been so many things in my life that I wished I had, to be rich, to have more strength, to be able to keep up with my sisters.  Sometimes there are also things I wished I didn't have, especially when it comes to my cp.  I am finding out that the older I am getting, I am more prone to falling.  There as been many times were either going up or down the stairs I lose my balance, but some how I usually catch myself.

Yesterday was different.  I was doing everything right.  I was going slow, hanging on to the railing,
I thought even making sure my feet were in the right place.  But something happen, and I can't even tell you what.  All I know is that I was falling backwards and not catching myself.   In that moment I was thinking "I am going to hit my head on the wood floor!'  I was also thinking about my neck.  I have fragile neck because of a fall I had a couple years ago.  This is where the grace (favor) of God came in.  After I hit the wood floor, I could move and roll over, calling out my roommate name.  I WASN'T hurt, sore yes, but nothing broken or bruised. 

I love the line in the poem, "I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God." 
I believe the Lord was protecting me yesterday.  Palms 91 says "Those who live in the shelter of the Most High  will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  This I declare about the Lord.  He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God and I trust him.  He will cover you with his feathers.  He will shelter you with his wings.  His faithful promises are your armor and protection" 

He covered me with his feathers and sheltered me with his wings!!  All I can say is that in that moment He was my armor and protection!

I might have weakness, I might not have a lot of money, I might walk with a limp and talk funny!  But I also have the grace of God!!!  As my favorite verse says " My grace is all you need.  My power works best in weakness."  2 Corth 12:9  Paul writes "So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work through me!"  2 Corth 12:9

I don't know about you, but as for me I need the grace of God!!!

"Do you want to get well? Pick up you mat and walk"

Afterward Jesus returned for one of the Jewish holy days.  Inside the city, near the Sheep Gate, was the pool of Bethesda, with five covered porches.  Crowds of sick people-blind, lame, or paralyzed-lay on the porches.  One of the men lying there had been sick for thirty-eight years.  When Jesus saw him and knew he had been ill for a long time , he asked him, "Would you like to get well?"
"I can't sir," the sick man said, "for I have no one to put me into the pool when the water bubbles up.  Someone else always gets there ahead of me."
Jesus told him, "Stand up, pick up your mat and walk!"
Instantly, the man was healed!  He rolled up his sleeping mat and began walking!  But this miracle happened on the Sabbath, so the Jewish leaders objected.  They said to the man who was cured, "You can't work on the Sabbath!  The law doesn't allow you to carry that sleeping mat."
But he replied, "The man who healed me told me, 'Pick up your mat and walk."
"Who said such a thing like that?"  they demanded. 
The man didn't know, for Jesus had disappeared into the crowd.  But afterwards Jesus found him in the Temple and told him, "Now you are well; so stop sinning, or something even worse may happen to you."  Then the man went and told the Jewish leaders that it was Jesus who had healed him.  John 5:1-15

At my worst!  barely could walk, Kaytee had to help me walk just to get the picture!

I know that I will never be healed from cerebral palsy, and for me that is ok.  As I have said before I know that my cerebral palsy is a blessing.  But as many of you know, I have been working very hard on retraining my brain to walk better.  Not only does it give me more confidence, it will also help as I get older on my muscles, joints, and bones.  My PT, Trevor, said we can retrain our muscles.  For me, this means telling my left knee to go really high, and to keep my right hip in.  My right hip tends to want to pop out causing my lip. 

Three years ago I could not stand up straight, walk without being exhausted, and probably headed towards having to use assistants to walk.  At that time, I didn't really care.  If Jesus asked me, "Bri, do you want to get well?", I would of been like that man, and said there is nobody to help me.  Just like the man at the pool, I had many excuses.  The man told Jesus that someone else always get in the pool, and that nobody would help him into the pool.  My excuses: "I was to tired", "Who cares", "I love food to much", "I'm fine," "It just part of CP, that I will have to deal with."

I think the paralyzed man and me have something in common.  I think it is heart issue more then a physical issue.    Jesus asked the man "Do you want to get well?"  He didn't give Jesus a yes or no response, he gave excuses of why he couldn't get well.  He was looking for someone else to help him and didn't believe he could do it by himself.  I had the same problem.  I wanted someone else to help me and didn't know how to do it on my own.

I also had a heart problem of not believing I was worthy enough.  I have always struggled with my worth.  I didn't want to go get help from doctors or physical therapist, because I didn't want to waste their time, and didn't believe I was that bad enough to get help.  I was scared that if I went in, they would ask "Why are you here?"

I believe Jesus saw my struggle and waiting for me to take a step out in faith.  I had no idea what one step would do.  It all stared when one of my greatest friends, here at camp, fell off a ladder.  He had a brain injury and was going to a special therapy, Craniosacral Therapy.  I wanted to try this therapy, but because of scheduling conflict I could not get in to see this particular therapist.  So the schedule me for a different therapist.  At first I was bummed, but soon realized that God had a plan!  I was schedule to see Joanne.  After seeing her a couple times, she suggested I go see a pain specialist. 

Again having a heart problem, of not feeling worthy enough, I took another step of faith to go see Dr. Paulson.  In Joyce Meyer's "The Everyday Life Bible, she writes about John 5, "Jesus did not stand there and pity the man.  Instead, He gave very specific instructions: "Get up! Pick up your bed...and walk!"  In other words, "Don't just lie there, do something!"

God has used all my physical therapist and Dr. Paulson in this way.  No, they can not heal my cerebral palsy. But they can help me and encourage me to Get Up!  and do something!!

Now that my weight is under control, my next goal is retraining my brain.  In this process, my brain has to tell my hips, legs and feet to do something all at once.  For most people, walking comes natural, but for me it takes a lot of thinking for each step!  I have to think about where my right hip is, pulling up my knees and where me feet are landing.  This is not an easy task, but I am excited to see how far I can go.

My new awesome brace!!!  Help me walk heel to toe better! 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your path straight."  Proverbs 3:5-6

"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establish their steps."  Proverbs 16:9

I believe that Lord is healing my heart problem.  He has brought me to a place of excepting help, and feeling worthy to go see my doctors.  I always giggle at Dr. Paulson.  He always tells me, "Bri I don't know if you are in pain, if you don't come see me!"   He wants to help me!!!'

Last summer with my "tool belt" aka walking poles! 

As I end, I still struggle with having to use my walking sticks.  Trevor says they are just tools!  I realized that yesterday, when I tried to walk straight and took one step and fell.  I believe the Lord still has me on the journey of health, physically and spiritually.  I want to get well!   I guess, the "mat" I need to pick up, is my insecurity of using my walking poles.  But If I "Want to get well," I guess I will have to pick up my sticks and start walking!

A letter to Cerebral palsy from a girl with a broken leg

Dear Cerebral Palsy,

There was a time in my life I hated you.  I thought you were a curse.  You were my worst enemy.  You caused me so much headache.  I came into the world on April 15th, 1981, with you right by my side.  My right side to be exact!!  Due to a lack of oxygen, we came united.  We came a hour and eight minutes after my twin sister Brooke.

Growing up you were my worst enemy.  I wanted you to go away, to hide you, but you went everywhere I went.  You would follow me to school.  This caused me lots of heartache.  I just wanted to fit in with my peers, do what they did.  I would get called last to play on the team.  In middle and high school I had to go to Physical therapy at school instead of gym class, because of you.  Again this made me not like you.  Also in school, you created it to be hard for me.  It was hard to remember things like history.  I felt different.  My sisters were so good at school, and I felt like something was wrong with me.   It took me longer to do my homework and test, so I would go to special ed classroom

But I am one determined  girl, and I wasn't going to let you defined me.  Brooke was on the swim team, so I joined the swim team.  You wouldn't let me kick my right leg, this made me be slower then all the rest.    My determination was stronger then your will.  I would go to swim meets and compete with the other kids my age.  You made me be last out of the pool, but I wouldn't let you defeat me.

In high school, cerebral palsy, you made me feel very lonely.  I stayed at home a lot because I worried what people thought of me.  I thought I was you.  I thought people didn't like me, because of you.  You caused me to get teased through out school.  Because of the lack of oxygen at birth, my speech was also effected.   I wanted to do what everyone else was doing, I wanted to be "normal." 

As I got older, something big happen.  I met my best friend.  Unlike you, you can't see Him, but I know he here!  It all started when I was going to see a counselor because of you.  I told my counselor that I hated you, I wanted you gone, out of my life!  But we both knew that wasn't possible, was it.!!  My new best friend is Jesus.  He has taught me that you are a gift from Him.  A gift?  But there was a man named Paul in the book Jesus wrote, the Bible.  Paul felt the same way as I did.  He had a enemy, and ask God to take it away three times!  But Jesus told him no, "My grace is all you need.  My power is made best in weakness."  This is when I decided that Jesus is stronger then you.

 I was looking for a way to be accepted, and I found the Way.  Jesus said, I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  Jesus taught me to see you through His eyes.  In John 9:2, the disciples asked "Rabbi, why was this man born blind?"  Jesus answered, "This happened so the power of God could be seen in him."  Jesus taught me that it was His way and purpose for me to have you in my life.  That I am blessed because of you.

Me and my sisters!  We all look a like and sometimes think alike.  We all went to college and got degrees  yes, even me!!!

I will be honest I still struggle with you.  The biggest struggle I have is trying to explain you to other people.  You effect everyone differently.  Cerebral palsy, you, have four different types and you can range from mild to serve.  Some people can have developmental delays, whiles others have only physical delays.  The problem I have with you, is that  you cause  some people to assume that my disability is worse then it is.  You have only effected my walking and my speech. Mine is very mild, but some people don't know that.   People that don't personally know me assume that I can't live and work independently.  When I try to tell them something, they hear something totally different.  Like the other day, I was at the office, I was talking to a lady, and trying to tell her that I like to walk, so I don't get board.  She thought I said I was board and needed something to do.  She tried to give me a job to do, when I didn't need anything to do at all.  I was so frustrated with you!! 
Sometimes on the phone, people think there is something wrong with me.  I get asked, "oh did I wake up" in the middle of the day.  People are shocked when I tell them I drive, have a job, have a college degree.  Cerebral Palsy, I finally figured it out, for those people that don't get it.  All you have done is given my an accent and a broken leg. 
I feel like Jesus in John 10.  "It was now winter, and Jesus was in Jerusalem at the time of Hanukkah, the Festival of Dedication.  He was in the Temple.  The people surrounded Him and asked, "How long are you going to keep us in suspense?  If you are the Messiah, tell us plainly."  Jesus replied, "I have already told you and you did not believe me."  John 10:22-25

Even as a little girl I was trying to keep up with my siblings!!

I feel this way so many times in my life.  No matter what I say, how I say it, or how many times I say, some people just don't get it!    I want to challenge you who are reading my blog.  Next time you encounter someone who may look different, please don't assume that their mind is broken.  They probably think, and live just like you.  Give them time to explain their differences and listen to what they are really saying.  and please, if you don't understand, ask questions!

For you Cerebral Palsy, I do have to thank you.  You have played a role in my life.  I now can see you as a blessing.   Their are special people in my life that I have met because of you.  You have made me be more determined to be more active.  So even though you may slow me down, you can't stop me from living a normal life like my sisters!!

Sincerely,
The girl with a broken leg!

Yes, I drive!!! My car I bought last year