"Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
If you know me very well you know how much I love kids. You also know that one of my heart's desire is to be a mother someday. I am doing the bible study, Living Free by Beth Moore. She writes "A stronghold is any argument or pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God." She also writes, "A stronghold is anything that exalts itself in our mind, pretending to be bigger or more powerful then our God." The biggest stronghold I have in my life is believing that I will never be married and have kids. I think I struggle with this stronghold because of past relationships with guys. Most of my guy relationships are getting teased by them. In my teens and early twenties I had very low self-esteem. I believe this low self-esteem came from hearing the mean remarks these boys told me. I also had some people in my life that were suppose to love me as family, who would tease me because of my cerebral palsy. After hearing this most of my young life, I started to believe it.
This set me up to believe I wasn't good enough. Especially believing I wasn't good enough to be accepted by men. This is were my stronghold of never being able to be married comes from. To me, I believed no man wants to marry a girl with CP. I thought CP was horrible disease. This is another lie I told myself.
Now that I am in my mid 30's, I am learning to believe God's truth. Beth writes, " We become like the object of our focus." In Philippians 3:14, Paul writes, "One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead."
Sometimes I wonder what is ahead. I'm not sure what God plan is for me and my desires, but I have to tell you a story about a promise. Last week I went to Goodwill, I was looking at Halloween costumes and found a Minnesota Vikings shirt for a kid. I thought I'll buy that for Reggie, but then God reminded me of a story. A year ago, my friend's daughter, had her first birthday. Tovah, was wearing the cutest dress. It was white with lemons printed on it. I told Kari, her mom, how much I loved that dress. Kari told me that before she was married, she found that dress. She was going to buy it for a baby shower, but fell in love with it. Her mom suggested that Kari keep the dress for her children. Kari thought this was a little crazy, since she wasn't even married. But her mom insisted and kept it for Kari.
In the book of Genesis, God promises Abram and Sarah a child. The Lord appeared to Abraham and told him that Sarah would have child. Abraham and Sarah were very old, so when Sarah heard this she laughed. Genesis 18:19 says "Then I (the Lord) will do for Abraham all that I have promised."
The word promise stood out to me because just before I read this I was reading the "Made to Crave" devotional about Compromise vs. Promise. Lysa writes "We were made for more than compromise. We were made for God's promise in every area our lives. We were made for God's promise that leads to an abundant life." We are not to compromise God's best.
I am starting to believe God's best for me. After I bought the Viking shirt, I felt the Lord remind me of Kari's story. He was telling me to keep the shirt for my son. I want to start believing God for a husband and kids. I want to start forgetting the past and the old tapes set in my mind. Beth writes that our minds are a battlefield. I want to start believing God that He will give me the desires of my heart. I don't know if a husband and kids are part of His plan, but He is faithful!
"He is the faithful God who keeps his covenant for a thousand generation and lavishes his unfailing love on those who love him and obey his commands." Deut 7:9
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