A Place called home

Main Street of Deadwood!!  This town has a special place in my heart!!

We all can relate to music at some point.  If it just to have fun and dance, or to carry us through a difficult time.  For me, music is very healing.   I am realizing that a lot of my blogs center around music.   I love music, especially Christian and Country music.  Music has always been something that has helped me get through hard times.  Now I can't go to sleep without my music.  I have learned that music helps my mind not to wonder at night. 
"Praise to the Lord!  How good to sing to our God.  How delightful and fitting."  Psalms 147:1  Music is a way I can worship to the Lord.  I love to sing out loud to the Lord. 

3 feet of snow in April.  This I do not miss!!

 

I write all this because, right now, I am listening to the song "Your Going to Miss This" by Trace Adkins.   This song makes me think of Deadwood, SD.  I grew up in Deadwood.  As long as I remember I couldn't wait to get out of that town.  I thought it was the worse place.  I really hated the weather!!  I also didn't feel like I had many friends.  Yes I knew everyone in town, but felt very lonely.  I struggled a lot with depression.  I believed the lie that I was different, and there was something wrong with me, because I had a disability.  This made me believe that nobody wanted me around.  Music became a great friend to me. 
Trace writes, "She couldn't wait to turn 18."  Oh how I could relate.  I went to college 20 miles away, but knew that after college I was leaving!!!  I even told the guy I was seeing in college that after college I was moving!!  He didn't agree.  But I had plans, and God had bigger plans!!!  Oregon or a Young Life camp were not on my radar!!!


Lots of memories in this town!!  Didn't always see as good, but it always be my home!!

  My plans were to move to a big city, meet someone and start a family.  Oh how God has such different plans for us!!!  His plan was for me to move to Oregon, in the middle for nowhere (literally) and become the person He created me to be.  I thought Deadwood/Lead were "The middle of nowhere!"  Till I moved here!!!!
There is another song by Big Daddy Weave Called "Redeemed."  They sing "Seem like all I could see the struggle.  Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past.  Bound up in shackles of all my failures, wondering how long is this going to last."  These words really it home for me.  For a long time, all I could see was how broken I was on the inside and outside.  There was nothing good about me.  My past struggles where of a little girl full of anger and hate towards herself, and believing everyone felt the same of me!!  I hated that I had CP. 
"I am Redeemed.  You set me free  I'm not who I use to be!!!  (big Daddy Weave)
I am so thankful I am not who I use to be.  The Lord has put a new song into my heart, or many new songs in my heart!! 





so pretty!

As I look back, I am so thankful for growing up in Deadwood and having CP.   I love the history of Deadwood, and it took me moving away, but I love the beauty of it!!!  In Trace Adkins song he sings "He tells here it a nice place.  She says 'It will do for now.'"  The chores of the song talks about going to miss where you are, and wanting it back.  I never thought I would feel this way about Deadwood.  Don't get me wrong, I love where I live, and what God has done in me and for me.  He has given me a new song in my heart!  He have given me a new view of my hometown!!  I now can say I miss it!!  This is on my mind today, because this week is Ski For Light.  I think I took that this awesome event was right in my back yard.  I loved SFL, but I don't think I truly appreciated that it was so close to home!!   I miss the people of Lead and Deadwood, and will always call it home!!!!  :)   I hoping next year to make it back to walk a 5k!!!!

I am a Child of God, and He has made me perfect. And given me a twin when I don't believe it!!

"You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you."  Song of Song 4:7

Must be our First birthday at Grandma Genny's daycare!! 

"There is hope for me yet, because God not done with me yet!"  This is lyrics from a song by Brandon Heath. 

Tonight when I was at the sport center walking on the treadmill, there were about 5 high school guys in the gym with me.  One of them was running on the treadmill right next to me.  As I started my work-out, I thought "I wish I could run, I wish I could go fast."  But I do the best I can do!

As I kept going, I found myself thinking, "I wonder what these kids think of me on this treadmill."  I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, you have a limp.   I made myself stop real quick, telling myself "They are kids, who cares what they think."  But for some reason, I do care what people think.  Not as much as I use to, but it still something I struggle with.

I think God gave me a twin sister for a reason.  One of those reasons is for a mirror!!  Growing up, I struggled a lot with my self image.  I use to think I was so ugly.  Brooke would get so mad and say "If you call yourself ugly, you are calling me ugly."  I told here that wasn't true.   I thought I had the ugliest body.  My sisters would tell me I had great swimmer legs!!  Of course I didn't believe them, b/c I had scars all over them, and had a twisted knee, and a hip that wouldn't let me walk straight.  I couldn't even look in a mirror without hearing "you are so ugly."

Can you say twins!!

But thank God, He wasn't done with me yet!!  When I moved to Oregon, God gave me the verse.  "There is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus."  Romans 8:1
 I was so good at condemning myself.  Not only did I think I was ugly, I thought I was stupid, dumb, retreaded, as well as many others.   The sad thing was I just didn't think these thoughts, I believed them.   Growing up, I got teased a lot in school, and were called some of these words, so I believed them for many years.  The Lord have really helped me see that these are not true.

Brook and me at Megan's wedding

With the help of Jesus and many people in my life, I have put these words and thoughts behind me.  I have learned that God gave me Brooke to show me that I am beautiful!  We look exactly  alike!!  Yes, I might not be able to straighten my hair, or put it up in a ponytail.  I might not be able to walk with grace, and my leg might be croocked.  But I am a Child of God, and He has made me perfect. 
"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb.  Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!  Your workmanship is marvelous."  Psalms 139:13-4

Brooke running in Japan!!  I love her!!!

 

There is one thing I still struggle with.  It has been one of my biggest struggles my whole life.
 In Brandon Heath song, he writes "Still wondering why I'm here, still wrestling with my fear. Oh but He up to something.   And the farther on I go, I seen enough to know that I not here for nothing."  "I have to wait and see, He's not finished with me yet!" 
I struggle with not being married.  I have always desired and wanted a family. I have a fear that I never will get married, because I have a disability.  I know that this is not true, and actually have grown a lot in it.  I love this song because it reminds me that God has big plans for me, and He us not finished with me yet!!  I not sure what God has in store for me, but I am loving what He is doing!

Me and Brandon Heath!!!  I was on cloud 9 and star-struck!! 
He is so nice!!

God is so awesome!!  A couple years ago I got to meet Brandon Health!!

Write My Story

As we close 2014 and begin 2015, the verse of Hebrew 12:1-2comes th mind.  "Therefore, since we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses, let us through off everything that hinders us and the sin that so easily entangle us.  And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfector of faith."

I am amazed at the person who I am have become!  I use to be so broken inside, so self-conscious of how people saw me.  I use to think that my cerebral palsy was the only thing people saw in me.  I wanted to be different, but God has taught me that being different is something to embrace!

I started to listen to a church up in Vancouver Washington.  They are going through the book of Acts. Acts 1:8 says, "You will be my witnesses."  I believe that God wants to use what I thought as a curse, CP, and use it to show others that Jesus can use anybody.  He wants to use my brokenness, to show His love.  He wants me to be His witness.

I am so grateful that the Lord chose me to have CP.  Growing up I wanted to do everything my sisters did, ride a bike, be on a sport team, not have the struggles associated with C.P.  But I have learned that I can do almost anything they can do, maybe a little slower, but I will try.

This year I have a feeling that God is going to keep using my story!

There is a song by Francesca Battistelli called Write My Story.  She writes, "They say You can give the blind their sight?  And You can bring the dead to life.  You can be the hope my soul's been seekin.   I'm a empty page, I'm an open book.  Write Your story on my heart."

 I am excited to see where The Lord takes my story this year.  I want to run the race of life with perseverance.  I seen the Lord do many amazing things in my life.  I have seen Him change me from the inside-out!  I have seen how He has provided for me; from a scooter, a car, financially, a bike, and physically.  I am excited to see how He is going to use my story in 2015.

Battistelli writes "I want my history.  To be Your legacy.  Go ahead and show this world What You've done in me.  And when the music fades  want my life to say."  My hope is that Jesus will shine brighter this new year in me.   Have a happy New Year and may God bless you!