"Do you want to get well? Pick up you mat and walk"

Afterward Jesus returned for one of the Jewish holy days.  Inside the city, near the Sheep Gate, was the pool of Bethesda, with five covered porches.  Crowds of sick people-blind, lame, or paralyzed-lay on the porches.  One of the men lying there had been sick for thirty-eight years.  When Jesus saw him and knew he had been ill for a long time , he asked him, "Would you like to get well?"
"I can't sir," the sick man said, "for I have no one to put me into the pool when the water bubbles up.  Someone else always gets there ahead of me."
Jesus told him, "Stand up, pick up your mat and walk!"
Instantly, the man was healed!  He rolled up his sleeping mat and began walking!  But this miracle happened on the Sabbath, so the Jewish leaders objected.  They said to the man who was cured, "You can't work on the Sabbath!  The law doesn't allow you to carry that sleeping mat."
But he replied, "The man who healed me told me, 'Pick up your mat and walk."
"Who said such a thing like that?"  they demanded. 
The man didn't know, for Jesus had disappeared into the crowd.  But afterwards Jesus found him in the Temple and told him, "Now you are well; so stop sinning, or something even worse may happen to you."  Then the man went and told the Jewish leaders that it was Jesus who had healed him.  John 5:1-15

At my worst!  barely could walk, Kaytee had to help me walk just to get the picture!

I know that I will never be healed from cerebral palsy, and for me that is ok.  As I have said before I know that my cerebral palsy is a blessing.  But as many of you know, I have been working very hard on retraining my brain to walk better.  Not only does it give me more confidence, it will also help as I get older on my muscles, joints, and bones.  My PT, Trevor, said we can retrain our muscles.  For me, this means telling my left knee to go really high, and to keep my right hip in.  My right hip tends to want to pop out causing my lip. 

Three years ago I could not stand up straight, walk without being exhausted, and probably headed towards having to use assistants to walk.  At that time, I didn't really care.  If Jesus asked me, "Bri, do you want to get well?", I would of been like that man, and said there is nobody to help me.  Just like the man at the pool, I had many excuses.  The man told Jesus that someone else always get in the pool, and that nobody would help him into the pool.  My excuses: "I was to tired", "Who cares", "I love food to much", "I'm fine," "It just part of CP, that I will have to deal with."

I think the paralyzed man and me have something in common.  I think it is heart issue more then a physical issue.    Jesus asked the man "Do you want to get well?"  He didn't give Jesus a yes or no response, he gave excuses of why he couldn't get well.  He was looking for someone else to help him and didn't believe he could do it by himself.  I had the same problem.  I wanted someone else to help me and didn't know how to do it on my own.

I also had a heart problem of not believing I was worthy enough.  I have always struggled with my worth.  I didn't want to go get help from doctors or physical therapist, because I didn't want to waste their time, and didn't believe I was that bad enough to get help.  I was scared that if I went in, they would ask "Why are you here?"

I believe Jesus saw my struggle and waiting for me to take a step out in faith.  I had no idea what one step would do.  It all stared when one of my greatest friends, here at camp, fell off a ladder.  He had a brain injury and was going to a special therapy, Craniosacral Therapy.  I wanted to try this therapy, but because of scheduling conflict I could not get in to see this particular therapist.  So the schedule me for a different therapist.  At first I was bummed, but soon realized that God had a plan!  I was schedule to see Joanne.  After seeing her a couple times, she suggested I go see a pain specialist. 

Again having a heart problem, of not feeling worthy enough, I took another step of faith to go see Dr. Paulson.  In Joyce Meyer's "The Everyday Life Bible, she writes about John 5, "Jesus did not stand there and pity the man.  Instead, He gave very specific instructions: "Get up! Pick up your bed...and walk!"  In other words, "Don't just lie there, do something!"

God has used all my physical therapist and Dr. Paulson in this way.  No, they can not heal my cerebral palsy. But they can help me and encourage me to Get Up!  and do something!!

Now that my weight is under control, my next goal is retraining my brain.  In this process, my brain has to tell my hips, legs and feet to do something all at once.  For most people, walking comes natural, but for me it takes a lot of thinking for each step!  I have to think about where my right hip is, pulling up my knees and where me feet are landing.  This is not an easy task, but I am excited to see how far I can go.

My new awesome brace!!!  Help me walk heel to toe better! 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your path straight."  Proverbs 3:5-6

"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establish their steps."  Proverbs 16:9

I believe that Lord is healing my heart problem.  He has brought me to a place of excepting help, and feeling worthy to go see my doctors.  I always giggle at Dr. Paulson.  He always tells me, "Bri I don't know if you are in pain, if you don't come see me!"   He wants to help me!!!'

Last summer with my "tool belt" aka walking poles! 

As I end, I still struggle with having to use my walking sticks.  Trevor says they are just tools!  I realized that yesterday, when I tried to walk straight and took one step and fell.  I believe the Lord still has me on the journey of health, physically and spiritually.  I want to get well!   I guess, the "mat" I need to pick up, is my insecurity of using my walking poles.  But If I "Want to get well," I guess I will have to pick up my sticks and start walking!