My journey of faith in God

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Do It Afraid!!!

The Madras pool!  Where the deep end is 12.5 feet!  I hope
to spend my days off here more often this winter

One of Joyce Meyer popular sayings is "Do it afraid."  That what I did today.  Today instead of going to physical therapy, I drove to town and went to the pool.  I don't get to the pool very often, because our pool at camp is only open in the summer.  So to get the pool I have to drive an hour.  During Thanksgiving break, my friend and I took her kids to the pool.  I loved it!  I decided that when I go to town on my days off, I can stop at the pool and swim laps.

For those of you who may not know, I have a fear of deep water.  Even though I know I can swim, my mind plays tricks on me in deep water.  I not exactly sure what I am afraid of, but just know it hard to go into the deep end.  At the pool in camp we can swim laps without going into any deep water.  So I can avoid the deep end.

Today at the Madras pool, I was hoping to be able to swim in the leisure because it is only 3 ft of water.  But when I got there, there where some older ladies working out.  I didn't want to be in their way, so I started swimming in the big pool.  The pool is 12.5 feet deep at the one end, and about 3.5 at the shallow end.  I thought I would just swim to the 8 feet marker, which is funny because this is what I did in adaptive PE.  At first I would not go past 7 foot, then 8 feet, eventually I got to the 10 foot.  My pool back home was 10 foot.  (I think this drove Mr. Phillips nuts!!!!)

If I had to do a swim meet in deeper the 10 feet, I would have high anxiety.  There was a coupe pools I specific remember, Spearfish BHSU, and Gillette pool, would make me very nervous.  They were way to deep!!  :)    I would do it, but inside I was freaking!!  Usually this happened going from shallow to deep. 

So today I started just going to 8 foot.  I would stop, grab the wall, and turn around.  I realized the last time I went swimming that I can't do the freestyle, because of my neck issues.  The freestyle is my favorite stroke, b/c in the deep end, I can go fast and get to the wall.  But today I had to do the breaststroke.  I like the breaststroke, but this means seeing the bottom of pool, longer. Anxiety!!!!
After I concord the 8 foot, I decided to go a little bit farther to 9 feet.  I swam this a couple times, grabbing the wall if I had to.   I was determined to go all the way to 12.5 feet!!! 




This is me at our pool in the summer.
No deep end to worry about here!!

This is were I had to rely on my faith.  Yesterday I was listening to my church back in SD online.  Pastor Mark was taking about fear.  In Matthew 10:31, Jesus says, "So don't be afraid, you are more valuable to God then a whole flock of sparrows."  So today I prayed that Jesus was with me and would help me.  My counselor back in SD, taught me to "tell myself the truth."  So that what I did.  I prayed that Jesus was with me.  I pictured him on the deck, cheering me on, just like my old teammates did in swim club.  Then I thought about how Jesus walked on the water, and told Peter to get out of the boat.  Jesus did not let Peter sink.  As long as Peter's eye's were on Jesus, he was walking on the water with Jesus.  So I thought, as long as my mind was on Jesus, I wasn't thinking about how deep the water was.  Before I knew it I was at the wall of the deep end!!!!  Another truth I had to tell myself was that I was a good swimmer.  I know I am a good swimmer, but it hard to believe this in the moment of fear.  So each time I grab the wall and turned around, I thought "You can do this, pretend it is BHSU pool.  Which I spent 5 years swimming in at college, so I got use to the 12 feet!!  Before I knew it I was swimming the whole length of the pool, without STOPING!!!!  I swam whole length of the pool, probably for 20 minutes without stopping!!
I just thought of this, but a older man asked me if I came swimming often.  I said no, b/c I live an hour away.  I said I want to start going more.  He told me that I was a really good swimmer!!!! 
Pastor Mark said in his sermon, "Jesus has come to give you peace."  Today in the pool, I felt the peace of God!  I knew He was there with me, watching me, protecting me, and cheering me on!!

A girl with CP learning to be stretched!

 

It has been almost 2 years since I started my weight loss journey and becoming a better me.  When I first saw Dr. Paulson and he told me that I needed to lose weight, it felt overwhelming.  But with his guidance and support of friends, I started to exercise.
I have been really enjoying it.  I found that if I have a goal, I am more prone to do it!  I have decided to walk another 5k in March.  I have going  to the Sport Center, (the gym at camp) and walking on the treadmill.  I bought an app on my iPod that helps me work my way up to my 5k.  I love it! 

"He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.  Even the youth will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion.  But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength."  Isaiah 40:30-31



Me and Ward Kayaking!  Very fun and
a lot of work!  Good arm exercise! 

Last Wednesday I went to go see Dr. Paulson for a check up and some neck pain.  Every time I go in to see him, he asks me if I been stretching.  My answer is always no.  Just like exercising, stretching is very important for my body.   I don't know why I don't do it as often as I should, but it is something that as I get older I either need to do it, or I will loose it.
 So my goal this next year is to be better at stretching.  I found a couple great yoga dvds that are for people with disabilities.
I know for me that God is always stretching my faith, especially these last 8 years in Oregon.  I remember when I was accepted for the job in Oregon I was stretched in believing and trusting that this was where the Lord was leading me.  I never been to OR before and never lived this far away from my family.  But I wanted to be stretch in my faith, so I trusted the Lord, hopped on a plane, and started this great adventure.  As I look back I see how the Lord been with me the whole way.  Just like stretching my muscles, it has been uncomfortable at times.  I accepted a job that way very physically demanding.  This resulted in being exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally.  There were many days I though "What did I do?  I can't do this anymore?'  I have never been a quitter so I kept working.  I worked 40 hours/week for 5 years.  There came a point were my body was done.  I knew I didn't want to leave this great place the Lord brought me too.  At that time, a part time position became available.
Again I had to be stretched, and trust the Lord.  I found out that to qualify for SSDI, I had to work 5 full years!  God of course already knew this, because I just completed my 5th year.  I also was being stretched because there was people telling me I wasn't disabled enough to qualify for SSDI.  Even though these people were close to me, I had to trust God that he knew more.  I been working part time for 3 years, and loving it.  I am so much healthier now!  The Lord has blessed me in being stretched!!

"So you see, faith by itself isn't enough.  Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless."  James 2:17

I have been working really hard on my exercises so I can
stand tall and straight.  not to bad for not holding anything!

James writes our faith is shown by our actions.  I am learning that stretching my muscles are like my faith.  If I don't stretch my muscles they will become useless.  With my CP, my muscles are already tighter the most people, so the more I stretch the better.  Just like exercising, I been told this all my life, but it is finally becoming important to me and not just something I "have" to do.  So I guess, just like my faith, if I don't stretch my muscles they will become useless!!  And the older I get, the more I will probably have to rely on strong muscle. 

"Just as the body is dead without breathe, so also faith is dead without good works."  James 2:26
Maybe we could say the exercising is dead without stretching!  I been told the stretching needs to be part of my exercise routine.  I have always thought that all I had to stretch were my hips and legs, but now with my neck injury, Dr. Paulson and my PTs said that I also need to focus on my neck. 
I feel like the Lord gave me two visuals in my life.  I have two great aunts, that I love dearly.  One of my aunt's is very active.  Ever since I was young, I remember her walking every day.  Walking was important to her.  Even though I didn't see her stretch, I sure she did.  You would never guess she is as old as she is.  My other aunt had a lot of physical problems.  I remember her having back problems.  I not sure how she hurt her back, but if I remember right she might of had surgery at one point.  I remember her always having trouble walking.  The older she got, the more hutch over she was.  Eventually she had to use a cane and walker.  The last time I saw her before she past, she was in a wheelchair. 

This was last year, working on my 5k.  Know I am working on picking up my foot so I don't dray my toes!  My pt wants me to use my walking sticks more!  I am trying to!

I want to be as mobile and as flexible as long as I can.  Even though CP doesn't get worse, all of our bodies will become weaker with age.  I don't know what my body will do as I get older, but I already feel the difference then I did 10 years ago.  And having a injured neck doesn't not help the situation.  So I have two choices.  1.  Stay as I am, and just hope my body will maintain itself (which is highly unlikely, I already learned!) or 2.  just like my faith, put my exercising and stretching to good use, to produce good works!

So this next year I am hoping to be stretch more in my faith to see what God has in store for me.  Also to be more discipline in stretching my body, to become a better me!!

"For you know that when your faith is tested your endurance has a chance to grow.  So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing."  James 1:3-4

Being Thankful for Winter

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God will for you in Christ Jesus.."   1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

If you are my friend on facebook, I am sorry I am such a hater of snow or winter!  I thought I would post things that I am grateful for the snow or winter.  To give you a background picture, if you don't know me very well, I not too fond of snow.  I grew up in a town that on average gets about 200 inches/16 feet of snow yearly!  Lead, South Dakota is one of the snowiest places in America. 
I have skied a little bit with the help of Ski For Light.  But other then that I don't like being out in the cold.  I not very confident in driving in snow, which I totally should be.  Even though in Lead I did it, I didn't like it very much. 

Skiing at Deer Mountain for SFL

This is were my first grateful thing comes into play!
1.  I am grateful that I grew up in Lead, b/c even though I don't like it, I know that I can drive in the snow.  We don't get very much snow here in central Oregon (not like Lead anyways) so I am out of habit, but I can do it!

2.  I am also grateful that I grew up in South Dakota because I am a pro for walking on ice!  Ok, maybe not a pro, but for having CP I think I do pretty good.  This is the earliest we have seen winter here in OR, since I got here 8 years ago.  It also has been breaking record lows, so it is very cold and icy.  Last night I was walking outside for work, I thought I know exactly where and how to step.  So I don't fall.  I was thinking this is why I grew up in Lead.   I adapted and learned how to safely walk on the ice so I didn't fall.  Now I am trying to use my walking sticks when it is icy out.  I think maybe I should of use these when I was younger.  It probably would have saved a few falls!  Right Ward?    ;)



I got pretty good at stopping and turning for
a girl with CP

3.  I am grateful for snow tire and my new 4 wheel drive!   Today I went up to my friend house.  Her daughter said, did you walk up here?  I said no.  She asked me how I got up the hill, b/c  it was very icy.  She said they couldn't get up it last night!  I told her I had an awesome car!!!  My new ford escape!!  Before I got my escape, I  had a Buick, the Lord totally provided me with a set of snow tires, so I knew I be confident driving in the snow! 
This comes to a God story!  (I love God stories)!!!  A couple years ago my friend said "Bri, did you get new tires?"  I said no!  She said "Are you sure you didn't get new tires?  I said, I think I would know if I got new tires!!  Finally after the 3rd time of asking me, I got out of my car, and was confused.  1.  I didn't put new tires on my car, and 2. I had no idea where those tire came from.  Come to find out my friend took my car (without me knowing) and put snow tires on my car!!!!

4.  I am also grateful for all the snowfall in SD!  I guess!!!  The other day my roommate was amazed that I was outside sweeping off all the snow off my car.  It was about 3-4 inches.  I told her that that was everyday back home.  If you didn't get out and do it, 1.  you weren't going anywhere and 2.  more would just pile up till your car was buried!!  Even though I have CP, I need to get out and clean off my car.  If I let my CP stop me from doing this, I would not be going anywhere.  (In SD anyways!!)  So if you see me cleaning off my car, don't be shocked, I am just a girl from SD wanting to get out my house!!

Sorry it burry!  but this is me in a bi-ski!!!
So fun!!

5.  Ok, there might be one little secret that I like about the snow...shhhhhh.  (don't tell anyone).   I do enjoy skiing a little bit.  Growing up a mile high in SD, we had two pretty good ski hills.  When I was very little, my sisters learned to ski up at Deer Mountain.  During those days I stayed in the lodge or at home b/c my mom and dad didn't know if I could physically do it.  But in high school, I got to join  the Ski For Light program.  This is where I learned to downhill ski, and to bi-ski.  During SFL I got pretty good on the bunny hill by myself.  When we went up top on the chairlift I would use a tetherpole, where my guide (Deb Tinker) would guide me down the hill.  Going up on top was always fun, but exhausting!  The year I graduated college (2005), I got the chance to go ski up at Lake Tahoe with Ward and Noah

Me sking at Mt. Rose with my guide

.  I decided to pay for an hour of private lesson.  After the hour was over, the instructor said he really enjoyed skiing with  me but wondered why I paid for him, because everything he teaches people I already knew!!!  I might need to get out and enjoy the snow and go skiing again!!

Mt Rose!!  It might be time to go back Van Guilder family!
 

The Hardest Thing about having a disability.

I think I wanted my independence at this age.  Knowing me I probably climb up into the rocking chair myself!!

A couple weeks ago I got interviewed for a church up in Portland.  They are doing a Woman Dessert for their church Christmas party.  So three people from the church came down to camp to hang out with me for the day to hear my story and video tape me to take back to Portland.
One of the question was, "What is the hardest thing about being disabled?'  For me, the hardest thing about being disabled is that some people think I am more disabled then I really am.   I think because of my speech, people who don't know me think I have a developmental disability.  When I tell them that I live on my own, have a job (one that I been at for almost 8 years), drive, and live across the country from my family, they are speechless!!

Cerebral Palsy can't stop me from
doing a 5k!

 The other day at the doctor's office, she asked me if my mom lived at camp with me.  I said no, my mom lives in Iowa and my family is all in the Midwest.  She was so amazed!!  I give a lot of credit to my parents.  Growing up with five siblings, my mom and dad treated me just as one of them.  One time I told my mom, "Thanks for not babying me."  She said, "Brianne I didn't have time to baby you!"  I am so grateful for that!!!
There are people that just don't know, and their are people who just don't want to know!  It is hard when people don't want to know.  You can tell them and show them until you are blue in the face, but the keep treating you as if you are less capable then you really are. 
I want people to know and to treat me as the same as you would yourself or your other friends.  For almost 10 years I have been working with people with development disabilities.  As a side note, they also want to be treated just as you too!!
When I first started working with people with developmental disabilities, I had a hard time believing that I was one of the staff members.  For years I believe what some people told me and treated me.  My first job after college was at the Northern Hills Training Center.  In my mind I thought people were judging me.  I thought they were thinking, "Why is she staff, she has a disability."  This is only  what I believe not what they actually said.


In John 8:31, Jesus tells his disciples,  "If you hold on to my teachings, you are really my disciples.  Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."  The disciples were confused because they were not slaves, so they wondered how they could be set free.   Jesus answered, "Very truly I tell you everyone who sins, is a slave to sin.  John 8:34.
"Why is not my language not clear to you?  Because you are unable to hear what I say.  You belong to your father, the devil.  When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies."  Jesus goes on to tell us that there is no truth in him. 

When I first learned about having a relationship with Jesus, my counselor taught me that I was believing lies that were not from God.  It was in counseling, where I learned that Satan and Jesus were both real and both wanted my heart and my mind.  There was so many lies I was believing.  One of the biggest lies I was believing that I was not good enough and that people were viewing me as less then I was.  I also figured they were right.  This was so real at the Training Center.  My mind and heart were struggling.  One of the biggest things my counselor taught me is to tell myself the truth.  The truth was, 1.  I wasn't really sure if the staff at the Training Center thought this.  2.  I know that am just physically disabled and that all that matters.  I would love to tell you that my first job is were I learned these truths, but it wasn't.  God had to bring me out to Oregon, working more with developmental disabled adults, and years to learn this truth.   But nine years after graduating college and being in the "real world," I have learned this truth.  But ONLY with the love and patience of Jesus!!
I remember one time being in Deadwood with Brooke.  She was talking to someone, and I was standing right beside her.  The girl asked Brooke, "How is she?'  Brooke looked at me and said, "I don't know, Brianne, how are you.?"  I said, "I'm fine!"  Brooke was so annoyed when the girl left.  About a year ago, I was with my friend in a thrift store.   I was looking at something in a case, the lady behind the counter asked my friend, "What's wrong with her?"  My friend said she was so annoyed that someone would say that.  She answered, "Nothing!"  The funniest story though, is when I moved to Oregon, I had to go to the doctor's office to get a shot.  I got a random Dr.  He looked and me and in a loud voice, said "DO YOU READ LIPS?"  He was dead serious!  I said, "No!  I can hear very well!"  My friends here in OR and I still laugh at that one!!

Learning to tell myself the truth.  I am
capable as my peers!

In Matthew 7:7, Jesus said, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged."   So as I conclude my blog this week, I ask that you get to know someone with a disability before you assume anything about their life.  You might be surprised what they are truly capable of!! 

A girl with a broken leg... learning to honor God with her body!

Learning to walk!
Around 3 years old!

Ever since I was about a year old, I been going to physical therapy.  It is something that I always had to do.  Most of the time my physical therapist would come to school.  In middle and high school, my mom and teachers thought it be best that I didn't do PE class, and do physical therapy instead.  Of course, at that time I thought this was a horrible idea!  It again made me feel different, but I did not win the battle.  So while my peers were in the gym playing games and having fun, (so I thought), I was in the Career Room doing exercises and practicing walking.  I hated that I felt different!  Luckily we could lock the door, because I didn't want my peers to see that I had to do things they didn't have too do!

Ward and his kids!  My Nevada family!!

In eighth grade, I got a new PT.  Ward was a new graduate and this was his first job.  He would come to school and we would do PT.  At first, I thought I don't like this and I don't want to do this!  Ward told me that if I worked hard and did my exercises, that we could walk down to Goldbergs (the ice-cream shop) for a treat!!!  I thought, "Ok, I guess I like you."  A couple weeks later we walked down to get the ice-cream.   Of course, he made me walk straight the whole way down there, which was a lot of work!  He didn't let me "get out" of working that day!!! 
In ninth grade, Ward had an idea that I should use a cane.   He says he did it because I was falling a lot.  I still tell him that telling a fifteen year old to use a cane, is not "cool"!!!  His wife totally agrees with me!!!!  :)   Ward became a great friend to me during this time.  He treated me kindly and made physical therapy fun.  He moved away when I was in tenth grade.  He and his family have remain some of my closes friends for 19 years.  Last year I went down to Reno, where they live, and did my first 5k.  I feel that Ward and Lancette (his wife) are my brother and sister, and their kids are my niece and nephew!!  (you can never have too many siblings!)

Lancette, Noah and Kryie,
couple year ago!
Love them!

As in my last blog I wrote that I did a lot of swimming in high school and continued in college.  So my exercise was in the pool.   But as I moved to Oregon I do not have access to a pool all year long.  So for the first 5 years of being out here I didn't do a lot of working out.  At the same time, I thought I was "fine."  I didn't need to work out!!!   I started to gain weight, slowly.  I started to go see a PT for some foot pain  and eventuality a pain doctor.  This is were I realize that all those people in my live that were telling me I need to "take care of myself", aka exercising were right!!!  ( my mom, sisters, Ward, others PTs).   I decided to set a goal and walk a 5k.  I did  my first 5k in March with Ward and Lancette in Reno. 
I have learned these past 3 years that doing my PT is very beneficial to my walking.  Right now I am going to see my PT, here in OR, once a month.  We are working on getting my right hip strong.  If I keep my right hip strong, my knee doesn't cave in, and I walk very straight and tall.  Almost just like all of you!!!  Ward have been telling me this for 19 years, but I was a little immature and thought I was "fine!"  Now I see the benefit and want to try!!
The Lord has also given me a verse.  "Don't you realize that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God.  You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price.  So you must honor God with your body."  1 Corinthians 6:19-20

This is me about 3-4 years ago.
this is what happens when I am
exhausted and working full time!

I know that God has given me this body and cerebral palsy for His glory.  He has been so good to me and continue to be good!!  If I work hard, my cerebral palsy, or limping becomes less noticeable!!  Which for me is what I want!!!

 

Me and Hollyn in Texas.  3 year ago!

 

 

working on my second 5k!

Working hard at the gym.  Part of my Physical therapy.
Learning that I am no different then anybody else. 
We all got to keep ourselves healthy!

"I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb.  Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations."  Jeremiah 1:5

 

 

Brooke's proseptive of My first swim meet

The Swim Meet
By Brooke (Alley) Maddox

 

I do not remember learning how to swim; it is something that has always been a part of me, like walking.  I also do not remember the first time I realized my twin sister, Brianne, was different than me.  Brianne and I are the second and third children out of six. I came first and Brianne entered this world a staggering hour and eight minutes after me which caused her to have cerebral palsy.   Cerebral palsy is a neurological disorder that appears in early childhood it affects body movement and muscle coordination.  Brianne has defied the odds, after multiple surgeries she can walk, talk, ride a bike, drive, and swim.  It was at the swimming pool where Brianne became my role model, and showed me why I should never give up.

I joined the swim team when I was kindergarten; it became the one thing I didn’t have to share with any of my other siblings.  Swimming was something that I had done for so long it became who I was, and while my brother and other sisters had basketball, and dance, swimming was the one thing I could call my own.   So when Brianne told me she wanted to join the swim team the summer of my fifth grade year I was a little upset.  I was also in total shock because for our entire eleven years of being in existence Brianne had always been deathly afraid of water.  Brianne would go to the pool wearing her life vest and stay as close to the stairs and cement wall as possible.  If you could say I was like a fish in water, Brianne was like a cat.  She would not even get her hair wet, not in fear of ruining her perfectly curled locks, but because she was scared of going under.   Because of Brianne’s

fear of water my parents entered her into a program called Adaptive Swimming.  It was in this class that Brianne learned not only how to swim, but built up enough confidence in herself to join the swim team. 

Every fall as school began and swim team registration drew near, I would begin my yearly ritual of bugging my dad to make sure he signed me up.  This year was no different, except that this year my twin sister Brianne was going to be joining me.  I had gotten over my jealousy of having to share yet another activity with a sibling (a virtue easily learned in a house that has six kids) and was looking forward to Brianne enjoying the sport as much as I did.  I knew Brianne had worked hard to overcome her fear of water, and in my all-knowing eleven year old mind I was positive that my coaches would never actually sign Brianne up for a swim meet. 

The first meet of the swim season is always a big spectacle; the veterans hope to shave off a couple seconds from last year, and the rookies are wondering what swim stroke it is that they will excel at.  Everyone is a nervous ball of energy the swimmers, the coaches, and even the parents.  I was no different this was not only the first meet of season, but my twin sister who has cerebral palsy and before this year was extremely afraid of water was going to be swimming in her first race, alone.  To say I was anxious was an understatement. 

Brianne had only entered one race, the fifty-meter freestyle, the shortest length for our age group.  Most girls are age could swim two lengths of the pool in about forty seconds or less and all I could hope was that Brianne would get lucky enough to have an outside lane so that if she needed to she could grab onto the cement wall.  As the day began I tried my hardest to stay composed and not let my twin sister know I was a nervous wreck.  I knew she could do it; I had spent countless hours at practice watching her swim the length of the pool without any difficulty.  I just was worried that in the heat of the moment she would forget all that she had accomplished. 

The time had come, Brianne was in lane five not next to the wall but close enough, as the swimmers stepped up on their starting blocks Brianne stood proudly beside hers, I along with the rest of the team waited at the other end of the pool ready to cheer our most beloved athlete on.  

“Swimmers on your marks…get set…”  BANG!

The gun fired and the swimmers pounced off their starting blocks, stretching out their bodies in hopes of entering the water quickly and smoothly.  As I watched my brave twin sister pencil dive off the side of the pool wall, my heart began to fill with pride.  I knew she could do this what had I been so worried about.  She might not be able to keep up with the other girls, but she was going to finish and prove to everyone that if you set your mind to it, you can do anything.  Everyone was shouting.  Coaches, who were oblivious to the real star in the water, follow their swimmers along the pool edge telling them to kick, teammates sit at the opposite end rooting for their swimmer as they reach the halfway mark, and I am in complete silence.  It is like I have tunnel vision, and the only thing I can see is my twin sister starting to lose faith in herself. 

Brianne is just past the half way point of the first lap, and I can tell that she is struggling.  No one told her about the waves from the other swimmers that would be hitting her from every direction, no one told her that even though she has never swam in this pool it isn’t any deeper than the pool she has been practicing in, but I know that these thoughts are now entering her mind and her spirit is fading.  Forty seconds after the other swimmers dove into the water they are exiting and realizing that someone from their race has yet to finish.  I watch Brianne frantically grab on to the plastic rope separating the two lanes, and my heart falls into the pit of my stomach.  I want to jump in and help her, swim next to her and tell her that she is okay, get her to the pool ladder and get her out of the water.  Yet, I know that if I do she will not only be disqualified from a race she never expected to win, but the self confidence that has been building inside her for over a year now will all be lost.  Finally Brianne looks toward me, she is still hanging on to the rope, and even though I cannot see her eyes through the goggles I know she is looking at me in desperation.  

“Brianne let go of the rope,” I say after finding the courage within myself not to jump in and help her.  She is starting to cry and says, “I can’t, I can’t do it.”

“Yes you can, but you have to let go of the rope,” by this time the entire pool area is watching, it has been almost a minute and a half since the race began.  Everyone is now rooting for the same team, Brianne releases her death grip on the lane line and doggie paddles a little further toward the turnaround, a cheer erupts.  I can sense Brianne’s confidence starting to come back; I walk along the pools edge telling her to kick, and not to give up.  The rest of our team sits at the halfway point chanting her name, screaming for our most valuable teammate. 

She reaches the turnaround and pushes off the wall, the waves from the other swimmers are all gone by now and the only thing between Brianne and the finish line is twenty five long meters.  As Brianne courageously continues her swim along the lane, every so often grabbing the rope to catch her breath, it is in this moment I realize that my twin sister is my hero.  I am not sure if I had been the one in the water struggling, facing my fear, and wanting to quit, that I would have had the determination to finish what I had started.  And although it broke my heart to watch her in that moment of hopelessness, I am glad that not only did I have confidence in her, but that she had enough confidence in herself to know she could finish this race.  Three minutes and thirty seconds later Brianne is exiting the pool, to a cheering crowd, and I am one proud sister.

 

A girl with a broken leg....just wanting to keep up with everyone else!!

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.  "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and future."  Jeremiah 29:11

Ever since I was young, I wanted to "Keep up" with my siblings.  Whatever they did I wanted to do.  I remember living in Lead with the forest as our back yard.  If my sisters wanted to climb the hill, I wanted to climb the hill.  If my sisters wanted to build a fort in the tree, I wanted to build a fort in the tree.  I remember one tree right by our back yard, I was standing at the trunk, crying and begging them to help me up.  They told me that there was no possible way I could get up there. They were right, but I was determined to try!!!  I remember being so mad that they wouldn't "help" me. 
  Also growing up my twin sister and my brother were on the swim team.  I been terrified of water since I was three.  My mom told me that Dad took me to the pool and Brooke and Jason were swimming and I was with dad.  He sat me on the edge and was talking to someone.   Again I wanted to be like my siblings so I must of jump in.  Dad caught me right away, but the experience freaked me out.  So much so that every time I would get into water I would choke whoever was holding me. 
I remember doing swimming lessons in elementary school but still being terrified.  In sixth grade, I joined an adaptive PE class with Jim Phillips.   The first couple months he fought with me to get off the stairs or the wall.  When I did get off the stairs, I told him he would never get me into the deep end (10ft)!!  We worked on getting to the 7 ft end.  I remember that I would swim right by the wall and only go in between 7 and 8 feet.  I don't remember how he convinced me to every go to the deep end.  But he did.  I kind of remember being on his back to get to the deep end, then holding on for dear life to the wall.  I would swim back and forth from the wall to the ladder.  I would also grew in my fear and would go under water.  Mr. Phillips tried so hard to get me to go under water to try to touch the bottom for 10 ft.  He did not succeed!!  :) 
Poor Mr. Phillips I gave him a lot of grief.  I wined a lot during adaptive PE.  In the summer I would not go because it was "too early."  I told him a lot that "I can't!!!"  He never let me get away with that.


"You are altogether beautiful, my love;
    there is no flaw in you."  Song of Sol. 4:7
 

After the first year of adaptive PE, I started to be on the swim team.  My mom thought I was crazy, because I was still scared of water.  But again I wanted to be just like my sister, who was on the swim team!!!!  The first year of me being on the swim team I did not do any meets, and just practice with the team after school.  My second year, my coaches thought it be fun to sign me up for my first meet, a 50 meter freestyle.  My first swim meet, it took me over 3 minutes to go down and back in the pool.  Most of this time was holding on to the rope, thinking and telling Brooke (who was on the deck), I can't do this.  I got to the first 25 meters, and had to turn around and go back to the DEEP END!!!  I think I stopped more going to the deep end, because I was scared of the deep.  I would also have to stop and rest.  Most of the time if you stop, you are disqualified.  But everyone was so proud of me, they must of gave me a out!    I remember people cheering and standing on their feet.  Brooke was right on edge of the pool, walking the length of the pool, cheering me on!!!  My amazing teammates were at the shallow end also cheering me on!!

"Don't be afraid, for I am with you.  Do not be discouraged, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, and help you.  I will hold you up with my victorious right hand."  Isaiah 41:10





This was the start of a great nine years of being part of a team!!!  Through those years, I continued to do the 50 freestyle.  I got down to swimming it in a minute and about 15 seconds.  Because of my CP, I can't kick my right leg and barely kick my left leg so I had to rely on my arms.  A couple years later my coaches thought it be fun to try the 100 meter breaststroke.  That is double the pool!!  Of course  I wanted to try!  With the freestyle, you can pretty much swim any stroke you want as long as you don't stop.  But with the breaststroke, the judges are more strict with the kick and arm movements.  But because of CP, my coaches found a rule that I could not be disqualified for my kick.  The breaststroke was a slower swim, so I think I did it in about three and a half minutes!!


About 1997
Lead Deadwood 76ers
 

Being part of the swim team made me feel accepted, at a time in my life when I didn't feel very accepted by my  peers.  My teammates even wanted me on their relay team, even though they knew we would come in last.  I tried to argue with them, that if I swam the relay, they would come in last.  That did not matter to them.  I was part of the team!!!!
I swam all of middle and high school.  I loved it.  It gave me something to be apart of.  I always said I loved swimming because it is a very individual sport!!  It also help me over come a fear of mine.

I think this is Britt with a couple of the girls from my brother's
swim team.  I kind of remember going to his swim meets!  All of us baby girls must have been
been very popular with the swim team girls!!!

 

 

God will Provide... part 2

 

Yesterday I went to physical therapy.  Something I been working on pretty much ever since I started walking is keeping my hip straight.  It is one of the hardest exercise I do.  But if it will help me walk straight I will do it!!  We have a lot of fun at PT while I get exhausted!  We decided  to call it OMAHA!!  because Trevor kept saying "Hike!" "Hike!,"  so I said "OMAHA!"   Even though I am not a Bronco fan, it is fun to say OMAHA!  Even as I was leaving the office, thinking Trevor wasn't watching, he yelled "OMAHA!" at me!  Meaning "Get my hip hiked!"  Darn he even watching me as I leave the office.  It like your mom having "Eyes in the back of my head!"  They know your every move!!!

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=658351324279974&set=vb.100003153360339&type=2&theater&notif_t=like


OMAHA!

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=658033347645105&set=vb.100003153360339&type=2&theater&notif_t=video_processed

The files were too big to post on my blog but I think these links will open to my facebook videos

 

God Will Provide  Part 2

I would like to share a couple more stories of how God has provided for me. 

"God will supply all my needs."  Phillip 4:19

 

 

About two or so years after I got to Oregon, my friend Leah kept telling me that I needed to get a scooter.  I totally agreed with her but thought it probably would never happen, because scooters are very expensive.  Leah kept saying that we needed to do a fundraiser.  I would smile and "agree", but really in my heart be thinking, "Ok Leah, that be awesome, but probably not a reality!"  At that time, I didn't realize how amazing my community really is. 
Leah organized  a car wash and a silent auction to raise money for my scooter.  I remember being in college wishing I had scooter to get around campus, but thinking I would never have one, because there are way out of my budget!  I had no budget in college!  :) 
With my amazing community here in Oregon we raised enough money plus some!!  Let me just say, "God is good!"  We raised over $5000.  I went to Bend to pick out my scooter with my friend Natilee and payed  cash for it!!  I been loving my scooter to get around better if I have to walk a long way!!!  I really love it at the airports, it gives me freedom to move around in the terminal during lay overs!

"Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for.  Keep on seeking, and you will find.  Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who ask, receives.  Everyone who seeks, finds.  And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened."  Matt. 7:7-8

Ward put the shot ski on the back of the scooter.  I got a lot of comments that night about "my" cool ski!!

 

 

 

 

I want to share my next story with some caution, not because I think my friends will judge it, but because some people might have there own views on the Debt relief program.  But last October I looked into what it was and would take to get my student loan to be forgiven.  With the help of some friends and the help of our Mighty Lord, I found a organization that helps with forgiveness!!  

I did almost get scammed during this progress, but am so thankful the Lord protected me from that.  This was also during the government shutdown.  I tell you this because to prove that I had a disability, I had to send the program proof of my SSDI award letter, of course I could not find it!!!  So I thought I will just call social security and get a copy of it.  Easy, Right?  Not so much!  The could not print any paperwork because of the shutdown!!  Are you kidding me!!!  When you are waiting for the government to reopen it feels like forever!!!  But after a couple days of praying I called the debt forgiveness program.  They told me no problem, all I had to do is have my doctor fill out a form saying I was disabled.  I am so grateful for Dr. Paulson, he filled out the paper in such detail!! 

So after a couple weeks of waiting, my student loan was forgiven!!  Praise the Lord!!  This has been a huge blessing!!! 

"No one can serve two masters.  For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other.  You cannot serve both God and money."  Matt 6:24

 

"Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."  Matt. 6:33

 

 

 



God will provide. Part 1

"I think sometimes we need to jot down little special things that God does for us because so often all we think about is what God doesn't do for us. Get started now and post one thing in the comments below. It could encourage someone else waiting for the same thing."  Joyce Meyer

This quote was on Joyce Meyer's facebook page today.  All week I been praying about what I should blog about.  I been writing a lot about growing up and the difficulties I had with my cerebral palsy.  I felt like the Lord wanted me to share about how I seen His goodness in my life.  There are so many God stories I could share about.  These are just a couple!

"And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus."  Philipp 4:19

1.  The most recent God story is my car story. With the advise of Dave Ramsey, I been saving up for a car for about the last two years.  Dave suggest that if you can, to try to pay in cash.  So I would put some money away each month.  I was hoping to do this for a couple years, but God had other plans.  Last spring my car started to leak some fluids.  (Don't ask me what, because I have no idea)  But the mechanic on camp kept filling it up, and said it was a very small leak.  So one day, I drove to Bend (two hours away) and notice my car was getting hot.  To make a long story short, I went the dealership to see what was wrong with it.  I told him where I lived and he said I could not drive my car home.  It was going to be $1100 to fix.  My car was not worth $1100.  So after a couple days, I decided to start looking for a car.  Because I live an hour away from any town, I thought my best bet was Craigslist.  I started looking, but of course I was getting anxious, because that what I do!! 

Then one night, I told myself I could not look anymore, because I was not trusting the Lord and trying to do it on my own, which cause my anxiety.  (If you don't know I suffer from anxiety)
 That night at 11:00  I decided to get on facebook, not looking for a car!!!  I thought "I can get on fb b/c there I won't be car searching."  I saw that I had a message from my good friend here at camp.  She was asking me how much my car budget was.  When I told her, she text me back and said her friend in Salem, OR was selling his car.  That was great, but I do not ever go to Salem. 
After talking to Carol (my friend) and the car owner, I started to pray about.  I prayed "Lord if this is the car you want me to have, opens the doors for it to happen."  Being my step-dad's daughter, and watching all the Court TV shows ;),  I know that before you buy a car you should have it looked.  But again the car was 4 hours away.  Of course, I worried again, but God provides again!  My friend Lisa knew a mechanic in Salem.  He agreed to look at the car.  After finding a couple issues, the owner agreed to get them fixed and pay for them, while the mechanic waives his fee!!
I decide that this is the car I want to buy, but how will I get it to the ranch.  Carol just happened to have friends coming the weekend I buy the car, and agreed to drive it here for me!!!
Now you might be thinking, "Bri, you a crazy.  You bought a car without looking at it or test driving it."  But I believe Jesus was part of the story the whole time.  I did want to test drive it, and God is so good!!  My friend Kendell, here at camp, drives the same car!!!  She told me that I could take her car for a "Test drive" to see if I would be comfortable in a Ford Escape.  So my boss and I drove it out of camp to Antelope and back.  And I did great.  I been driving my Ford Escape since June and love it!!!!

It getting late, but I will share one more story before bed.

2.  When I started to go to see my new pain specialist doctor 2 years ago, he told me that I needed to stop riding my 2 wheel bike and think about a 3 wheel bike.  He was just worried that as I get older, I can't be failing off my bike and risk getting hurt.  I agreed and started saving my money for a new bike.  The Dave Ramsey way!!!!  During that time I had a mentor, named Marti.  I told her what Dr. Paulson had said.  She said that her son lives in Bend and works at a bike shop. She would have him start looking.  That was in the fall of last year.  So through the fall and winter I start saving $50 a month for my bike fund.  Marti, who is also in my bible study, told the ladies in my bible study that we needed to start praying for a bike for Bri. 
Here at the camp we have worship (church) every other Wednesday night.  So one Wednesday in March, the speaker asked me to come up front.  I have know idea why, and tell him "No!  I hate getting up in front of people!"  I think I even asked "why?"  Of course he would not tell me and made me come to the front!  The community at camp all went in together and bought me a three wheel bike.  Marti came out of the closet riding the bike!!!  During that same time I was also due to get new leg braces b/c of all the weight I lost.  They raised $300+ extra to help pay for my braces, which out of pocket was almost the exact amount the braces were!!!!   I was also working on paying of my credit card bill, so the money that I saved up for bike, I put towards my credit card. 

I am so blessed to being living at this camp!
God is so good to me!!

Marti coming out on my new bike!!

These are just a few of the ways God has provided for me!  I will share more in the next couple days. 

I hate getting in front of people!

"Education is good, but it not better then wisdom." Joyce Meyer

It is so clear and kind of crazy how the Lord keeps confirming me to tell my story. 
Today in my devotional I was reading about the difference between knowledge and wisdom.  I am reading Joyce Meyer's "New day, New you."  She writes, "Knowledge is good but wisdom is better.  Wisdom is the right kind of knowledge.  A wise person will always be knowledgeable, but not all knowledgeable people are wise."  She goes on to say, "Education is good, but it is not better than wisdom.  God's Word tells us to cry out for wisdom; seek it as we would silver and gold; make it a vital necessity in life."

These words really struck my heart.  School did not come easy for me.  I struggled with my classes from middle school through college.  I did not get straight "As" as my sisters.  It just didn't come naturally for me.  I think part of my struggle was the way I was viewing myself.  As I wrote in my last blog, I think part of my struggle was that I believed I was stupid.  I had so many lies in my head, that it was hard to get past them.  I had great teachers that helped me in great ways, but I was dealing with a inner struggle.  I did go to college at Black Hills State University.  I wanted to become an elementary teacher.  I wanted to work with disabled kids.  But as I started going to classes, I soon realized that this might not be the path for me.  To get into the College of Ed. you had to get "C's" or better in all your classes.  My freshman year I took history.  I always struggled with history.  To memorize all the dates and events were very hard for me.  So that semester I flunked.  So I had to take it again, I picked a different professor.  I barely passed, but hey I passed, but not with a "C" to get into the College of Ed.  At this point I thought maybe it time to look at something else.  I also had to take College Algebra.  In high school, Algebra was my favorite class.  When I took College Algebra, I had no idea what they were talking about.  I believe that the teacher of the class, makes a whole lot of difference.  I was a freshmen, in my second year and really didn't know the teachers.  Looking back I should of tried again with a different teacher!!!  But at the time, I was just trying to get through!!!

I did it!!  It wasn't easy but I am not a quitter!!

I believe, now that I am older, that the lies I believed growing up played a role in my education.  When you hear that you are stupid, or retarded, you start to believe those lies.  The lies were so loud in my mind that it was hard to focus or believe that I was anything else.  But because I was a determined  young girl I went on to graduate from Black Hills State University in December of 2005.
God really used BHSU in my life.  That is where I met some of my best friends.  One of my best friend's, Kate, who I met in the dorms. Kate is how I eventfully found myself in Oregon living at a Young Life camp.  College is also were my relationship with the Lord became real.   
As I grown in the Lord, I don't believe those lies anymore.  This is were the devotional really struck me today.  I may not gotten the best grades in school, or have become what I thought a teacher should look like. in a school teaching math and history to children, but I have become a wise person, with the help of the Lord. 
Joyce Meyer uses the verse "The reverent fear and worship of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom."  Psalm 111:10.  I want this for myself.  I do not need a teaching degree or a master degree to be a teacher.  I just need to have open hands and a open heart to where God is leading me. 

There is a song by Tenth Avenue North called "You are More."  This is the chores.
 "You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

I AM REMADE!!!!



the day I Graduated from BHSU

My family minus Britt (who was at work) on my big day!!