Do It Afraid!!!

The Madras pool!  Where the deep end is 12.5 feet!  I hope
to spend my days off here more often this winter

One of Joyce Meyer popular sayings is "Do it afraid."  That what I did today.  Today instead of going to physical therapy, I drove to town and went to the pool.  I don't get to the pool very often, because our pool at camp is only open in the summer.  So to get the pool I have to drive an hour.  During Thanksgiving break, my friend and I took her kids to the pool.  I loved it!  I decided that when I go to town on my days off, I can stop at the pool and swim laps.

For those of you who may not know, I have a fear of deep water.  Even though I know I can swim, my mind plays tricks on me in deep water.  I not exactly sure what I am afraid of, but just know it hard to go into the deep end.  At the pool in camp we can swim laps without going into any deep water.  So I can avoid the deep end.

Today at the Madras pool, I was hoping to be able to swim in the leisure because it is only 3 ft of water.  But when I got there, there where some older ladies working out.  I didn't want to be in their way, so I started swimming in the big pool.  The pool is 12.5 feet deep at the one end, and about 3.5 at the shallow end.  I thought I would just swim to the 8 feet marker, which is funny because this is what I did in adaptive PE.  At first I would not go past 7 foot, then 8 feet, eventually I got to the 10 foot.  My pool back home was 10 foot.  (I think this drove Mr. Phillips nuts!!!!)

If I had to do a swim meet in deeper the 10 feet, I would have high anxiety.  There was a coupe pools I specific remember, Spearfish BHSU, and Gillette pool, would make me very nervous.  They were way to deep!!  :)    I would do it, but inside I was freaking!!  Usually this happened going from shallow to deep. 

So today I started just going to 8 foot.  I would stop, grab the wall, and turn around.  I realized the last time I went swimming that I can't do the freestyle, because of my neck issues.  The freestyle is my favorite stroke, b/c in the deep end, I can go fast and get to the wall.  But today I had to do the breaststroke.  I like the breaststroke, but this means seeing the bottom of pool, longer. Anxiety!!!!
After I concord the 8 foot, I decided to go a little bit farther to 9 feet.  I swam this a couple times, grabbing the wall if I had to.   I was determined to go all the way to 12.5 feet!!! 




This is me at our pool in the summer.
No deep end to worry about here!!

This is were I had to rely on my faith.  Yesterday I was listening to my church back in SD online.  Pastor Mark was taking about fear.  In Matthew 10:31, Jesus says, "So don't be afraid, you are more valuable to God then a whole flock of sparrows."  So today I prayed that Jesus was with me and would help me.  My counselor back in SD, taught me to "tell myself the truth."  So that what I did.  I prayed that Jesus was with me.  I pictured him on the deck, cheering me on, just like my old teammates did in swim club.  Then I thought about how Jesus walked on the water, and told Peter to get out of the boat.  Jesus did not let Peter sink.  As long as Peter's eye's were on Jesus, he was walking on the water with Jesus.  So I thought, as long as my mind was on Jesus, I wasn't thinking about how deep the water was.  Before I knew it I was at the wall of the deep end!!!!  Another truth I had to tell myself was that I was a good swimmer.  I know I am a good swimmer, but it hard to believe this in the moment of fear.  So each time I grab the wall and turned around, I thought "You can do this, pretend it is BHSU pool.  Which I spent 5 years swimming in at college, so I got use to the 12 feet!!  Before I knew it I was swimming the whole length of the pool, without STOPING!!!!  I swam whole length of the pool, probably for 20 minutes without stopping!!
I just thought of this, but a older man asked me if I came swimming often.  I said no, b/c I live an hour away.  I said I want to start going more.  He told me that I was a really good swimmer!!!! 
Pastor Mark said in his sermon, "Jesus has come to give you peace."  Today in the pool, I felt the peace of God!  I knew He was there with me, watching me, protecting me, and cheering me on!!